Drawings

I like drawing one of my favorite H baby. It makes us laugh a lot.
I have never seen someone so religious and having a real sense of humor even about Dog.
These drawings have been made after a commercial ad i sent him.
He likes hipsters t-shirts. I bought some to give him.
I like the way he dresses to hide his Hasidic way of dressing.
There are backs for these drawing but i am not ready to post them. Try to guess! :-)

One day i met

a man in a shul in Manhattan.
I used to go there with a young woman, (ex-)Hasidic.
The first time i have been there was for Rosh Hashanah. I loved the singing ambiance, got giggles when i heard the shofar…
I was insensitive to the prayers that i don't catch.

I talked first with his wife. She is Jewish.
She asked me questions about my Jewishness. So i told her my background without mentioning my non belief in Dog.
She wanted absolutely to introduce me to her husband who has the same background. I have seen him many times at the shul. He is more religiously involved than i am, he speaks Hebrew, reads the Talmud…
He explained that his mother was always pushy with him to learn about Judaism even if she was not Jewish. Only his father is Jewish but he doesn't practice.
What i liked in this man was the way he felt Jewish. He learnt Hebrew. He is studying the holy book.
He met his wife in high-school, he has two kids.
To get converted in USA is easier and shorter than in France: 7 years.
With all his faith, all the stories, Jewish-ic things we exchanged, i thought he got converted. Absolutely not, he had no need to do it. Wow!
That didn't answer to my questions to feel deeply Jewish but suddenly i felt less lonely.
I told him that Dog doesn't exist for me, as Bjork in the Sugarcubes sang it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDzaky4nEfg
He was surprised but he understood me.
He was puzzled that i was in touch with Hasidim. He didn't see any interest to talk with them.
I didn't have time to explain him my family story.
I left and i was waiting for the elevator. He came to me to warn me about Hasidim.
He is not the first one to tell me to stop talking with them because they could me drive crazy.
A Hasidic baby wanted me to stop too because i think too much!
I think it's done, i am their prisoner. :-)
With a Hasidic baby, you need to be cool and just take what they give you, never build castles in the air (plans on the comet, as we say in French)…

Gossip

They gossip a lot.
It's written in the Torah not to gossip.
But if you have no TV, no radio, what are you talking about all the times with your wife/husband?
About your neighbors, the Torah, the school?
Fashion: no
Cars: maybe
Rabbi: yesss

Why the Torah doesn't allow that?
It's so human behavior.
Why kind of gossips? I saw women gossiping at the Pupa shul. I don't understand Yiddish language, only Yiddish glances. I saw contempt, envy, jealousy…
I am sure they gossiped about me too when i was there. They were more curious about a shiksa among all these bewigged ladies.
Gossiping seemed obvious for them.
In a shiksa/shegetz world, many gossips too with various matter subjects. The main one is: who sleeps with who?
In the H world, that's not a question. You sleep with your wife/husband you love or not.
Everyone knows that, nothing to talk about.
You live a double life, a triple, quadruple life if you are greedy with shiksa. :-)
You have to be very discreet not to make yourself suspicious.
I really appreciate this non subject matter in the Hasidic world, sexual gossips bother me a lot.
It doesn't matter who sleeps with who, if this one is gay, lesbian.
You never ask a straight person if she/he is straight but if you are gay/lesbian, you have to justify your sexuality.
I sent emails to outsiders men who were into Hasidic men to have more information about their 'relationship' with the bearded men. They never replied.
I don't think they really talk about homosexual issues in the community, that's just sex for sex.
But i was wishing i'd hear a beautiful love story. :-)
So when a demonstration/revolution will happen in the H world and a fight for the rights to be who they are? When? I will be there with H babies on the street barricade.

Not weird, just a Snoopy schtreimel

Frum stroll in Willy

Yesterday, i was in Willy to watch all these peyos running, buying, cleaning before tonight.

I was with a guide for a private tour.

I loved to feel the electricity in those peyos before celebrating Pesach, looking at us and eventually listening what the guide said to me.

We caught the attention of 2 men. The first one was a monument of history: a survivor of Auschwitz. He was very young when he escaped from the camp. I really adored this moment, even if i didn't really understand what the guide and him were saying. But just the idea this man talked to us and wow, a survivor.

They are not too many survivors who are still alive. When you met one, you want to spend time with him, to put him in a frame. Maybe he knew my family…

A teenager came closer to us to listen too. When i turned my head and smiled at him, he ran away and didn't come back.

I asked questions to this man, he didn't look at me and was waiting for the guide to repeat my question.

No, no, no, i was not upset. It made me laugh because he didn't ignore me, he felt i was there, looking at him intensively, drinking his words.

I didn't ask him if he had the tattoo, no doubtless, too young when he was there… And i am not sure to be ready to see one. 

They are always astonished that outsiders can be interested by them. Roooooooh!

We stopped in a bookstore to have a look at books to color.

No women in the store. One peyos man was able to stare at me. It was my turn to be astonished that he did that with all these H babies around us. The bookseller helped us. When i paid he didn't want to take the bill from my hand, so i put it on the table as he did the same to give me the change.

They have a Hasidic Monopoly: i would love to play and buy all the houses on Bedford and on Lee Ave with fake dollars, peyos, and tzitzit. I will rent them for free to support them with their 12 kids.

I wanted a book from the truck and a young boy gave me an old prayer book which belonged to someone. I have the name in Yiddish, the address and the phone number written in the book.

And a small piece of paper with something written in Yiddish and a drawing.

I was like a kid holding tight this present which means a lot to me before putting it in my bag.

the Auschwitz survivor

in Hasidic vino veritas!

which size?

the prayer book

Pesach

My mother and i we love Pesach/Passover/Pâques.

Why?

It smells spring and summer. We try to imagine that the winter could be a distant memory.

We dream of fruits like strawberries, raspberries… for our taste bud.

A sort of tradition we have to make wishes when we taste these wonderful fruits the first time in the year.

I have to eat and taste different matse during ten days and cheat to make ten wishes: first matse of the day and not of the Jewish year.
I am always amazed how many products are Kosher in this country. Each Hasidic baby has his own definition of Kosher depending of their level of Jewishness.

When i was in Jerusalem in a Jewish family, the wife explained me where i have to put the cheese in the fridge and other stuffs i didn't remember.
It was very complicated for me and i gave up fast. I ate outside with my friends. If we ate at home, the wife cooked for us.
I gave up with the cheese in the morning too, choosing jam. She was always behind my back, spying me for anything. I never told her i was half Jewish but she asked me questions why i was spending vacation in Israel. :-)

It's a real constraint to eat Kosher all the times. A Chasidic told me that he traveled heavy: two pans, Kosher cans…? I remembered one thing he told me when he was in Paris: he was always in the temptation to taste many things but he didn't do it because he didn't know if it will make him happier to eat non Kosher food. He is very foodie and he like cooking.
I would not talk about happiness when i eat as he did it.
I enjoyed Israeli food but what i enjoyed the most was the view on the seven hills of Jerusalem at anytime. It didn't really matter if the food was Kosher or not. I was listening to my table neighbors speaking Hebrew.

I already ate matse when i was a kid with my Israeli friend, Nadav who used to live in the same building. I said to his mom that she had 'sheep' (bits of fluffs) under her bed. :-)
She gave us all the food boxes opened before Pesach. I didn't remember if we celebrate holy days with them. We just tasted some Kosher food she brought us sometimes.

To end, a few black and white photos:
http://www.jordicohen.com/2012/05/stories-of-passover-the-amshinover-rebbe/

just few words…

“You have to understand that you live and die by the stigmas of the community and this is the core that really holds us so strongly together, but its also the price we pay. “

-D., a H baby

Why i want to be frum?

The main reason isn't religious indeed, but it is for holy days.
I am French as you know and we can have 5 weeks of vacation yearly paid by your boss. What else?
If i keep that in mind + Frum holy days, how many days will i work in a year?
I can mourn, pray… whatever you want if i can lazy in my bed, my life. 'I wanna be your Dog' as The Stooges sang it.
If Dog agrees to pay them, i can do what you want… I will be a nice Shabbos/Pesach/Kippur… girl.
Pesach is coming and i am dreaming of these 10 days of vacation.
All my H babies playing with their kids in parks, stretching their body in their single bed or with their wives. They will have smiles on their face.
Before these holy days, i will move my body in Willy for a private tour with a guide. I decided to be selfish and not to follow a group as a sheep. I am not a veal as De Gaulle said about the French. After May 68, he has understood that we were revolutionaries.
I will be there with my spy camera looking at them running for the last preparations from stores to stores. All the stores will be closed during ten days. Willy will be a dead city. Wow!
And time for me to get back to the Pupu shul maybe.
My frum friends always told me that the services in an Orthodox shul is boring. I have been once for Sukkot, and i loved it.
I followed one of my H friend in a shul in Manhattan: that was great too. People were singing, dancing… And i rolled the Torah, but shhh! :-)
I like being in a place, listening to people whom i don't understand the language and let me rock by the sound and tone of the voices.
As a teenager who starts to learn English to understand the lyrics of her favorite music bands.
I will give a try to learn Yiddish and sing songs in tribute to Dog!
I need holy days to learn Yiddish, so please Dog, be nice, give them to me!

What kind of peyos are you?

Do you curl them only for special occasions?
Do you often caress them?
Do you put them nicely on your pillow like a soft toy?
Do you spray them every morning?
Why do you let them grow up so long to look like a rasta?
Hasidic women don't really play with their husband's peyos. They are used to seeing them since they are born.
The peyos are immodest, their shape is actually phallic.
The ones who let me touch them, i braided them. They looked like girlies and i was laughing a lot.
They laughed too when i showed them their face in the mirror.
Afterwards, they undid to curl them before getting back home.
I never met one with very long peyos to ask him if it meant something. One Hasidic told me that these ones were meshuga.
Sometimes, i wore a black hat and i have peyos too. The Hasidic babies liked that but they didn't have the right to touch them. :-)

I have a dream…

No, no i am not MLK and i don't claim for the same things.
I came in NY with a personal/business project.
I didn't think, even just one minute, of fathoming this amazing community that most of the New Yorkers consider like weird people who stink (i know that's awful to write that, down with clichés!). I just confirm that they smell good, good Kosher soap when they get out of the mikvah. :-)

I read so many stories of these men who live drama in silence.
They control their anger to live with a wife who is boring physically and intellectually. They want to open their kids to the outsiders world… But it could be risky and the idea to lose everything scare them.
They get back home late to avoid the same face whom they have nothing to say.
I think they really enjoy their single bed which is their haven of peace to give free rein to their dark and deep fantasies. Spitting, crying, laughing on their pillows, asking Dog why they live this life they don't want or they want with less strict rules.

Another project germinated in my mind: to become a shiksa matchmaker and to save some of them from desperate marriages.
It seems funny and weird but i actually think it's a good idea to have women matchmakers.
Could you imagine a fly away red hair with cleavage trying to find the good peyos boy for the good wig girl to make a good match? I could do.
The Pupu, Satmar, Bobov rabbis are going to burn me on Lee Ave like Jeanne D'Arc.

No more speed dating of 10 minutes with the obligation to say only two words: 'yes' or 'no'.
No more marriage at 18, let them end their teenage crisis!
Sex and seduction classes for all of them…
Ginger soup and juice twice or three times a week… :-)

Yes i had this dream and i realized it once but it's not enough…

I offered to a Hasidic friend to meet her Hasidic 'boyfriend' at my 'office' to live their romance.
She was happy and i was happier to please her. No more fear to be seen in a public place.
Vive l'amour, zut !

Matisyahu

I am used to typing 'Hasidic' and 'images' in Google and i found this photo of the beautiful face of Matisyahu. A couple of months to remember his name and how to pronounce it.
I used his photo to make a collage on a wall.
I have never heard about him before.
I actually started to check who he was when i saw the reactions of my Hasidic babies looking at his photo and all of them without exception said the same thing about him: "He is not like that anymore".
But i was struck by the tone they all said this sentence: admiration without envy or jealousy.
A sort of musical Messiah…
Even the ones who don't have tv, radio, turning off their phone at home, knew who was this guy.
Yes they know Matisyahu as they don't know The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, David Bowie, Bob Dylan…
Do they listen to his songs in their garçonnière on four wheels? Probably.
I was intrigued by the story of this man which started to tickle my curiosity hormones a lot.
I am not into reggae music, except very old reggae songs by Bob Marley and Prince Buster with his Al Capone song in 1964, a mix of ska /funk/reggae: delightful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaDx6_-WbLs
I watched lots of videos of Matisyahu with his Hasidic face that i loved so much. And i googled his life.
I remembered a video of an interview with a rabbi who told him that he doesn't really like his music and this kind of music but he lent an attentive ear to the lyrics. And the rabbi starts to cry and i start to cry before listening to the song One Day.
Matisyahu was in a middle of a shegetz crisis as i have my shiksa/half-jewish crisis.
He was saying that he was Jewish but he didn't know if he was still Orthodox. He had many interrogations as I can have about my atheist Jewishness or Jewish Atheism.
Finally i bought two songs by him One Day and Youth.
It's Friday, so let's play music…
Shabbos Shalom!

Politics

It seems the H community doesn't vote for the new presidency.
I met a few who were into politics following the debates and voting sometimes.
Could you imagine a Hasidic president? I can. One H sent me a photo of Obama with peyos which fit him well. :-)
They only vote for local elections. Rabbinical elections???
Those I met are Republican and NY is Democrat so they give up the idea to go and vote.
I don't know if most of them follow the politics of their country. What are the topics of the Yiddish newspapers…? 'Last scandal in Willy: one little boy has his left peyos longer than the right one?'

I had stormy conversations because ideologically we were at the opposite. I gave up when it started to be insulting for me.
One of the reasons i left my country was a weariness of the French politics. I stopped watching news since a long time ago, objectivity misses it.
I don't follow the American politics too but what i heard seemed very clichés: Obama is a socialist, he hates Israel…
H babies are very focused on the Israeli politics and the relation USA has with it.
Both wings need Israel. I liked seeing Satmerers full of emotions defending Israel despite their anti-zionism.
I spent election day with a Satmerer in a bar, laughing at me because i was confused with the color blue and red.
Pink and red are the colors of socialism and communism in Europe. I was wearing red, thinking the Democrats were red too. :-)

The kibbutz is based on the Russian kolkhoz…
And to be Jewish is to be in a family with many charity organizations… It's a socialist community. In any issue, Jews come back to the family.
I actually became aware that to be Hasidic in USA is to be Hasidic in first place before being American. Unlike blacks who are American and not Afro-American. The roots have been forgotten a long time ago.

They live Hasidic, they eat Hasidic, they drink Hasidic (though)… But this night i spent with a Satmerer, i saw him defending his country and being proud of it.
I was definitively in NY, USA.

Emotions & feelings

When you start a conversation with a Hasidic baby, that's important to know if it's the first time he talks to a shiksa. Retrospectively, i might feel guilty to awaken emotions and feelings they are not used to living with. It's so deep in their subconscious. And you arrive in their life, well organized, well-established, you could be an explosive bomb.
They have the choice of disappearing when their emotions/feelings are too intense to handle them.
I triggered the anger of a few because i asked them not to judge me, i didn't believe in Dog, i asked them to be less aggressive, i decided to stop the conversation (they felt abandoned) or for stupid little things we argued about…
I often felt guilty to lead them into bad ways by telling them they are very smart and they could do something with their brain. To become more aware that they hate your life, their wife… of wasting their potential, following their daily grind with the community handcuffs could make them down…
When they insulted me, i was happy to have a screen laptop to protect me. I felt so bad for them, they are so alone, nobody to talk to… I am curious about the percentage of suicides, i never heard about that so far.
I am surprised by the narrow-minded H who persist to meet shiksa. I would have loved to know why they are so attracted to shiksa. The conversation has ended by insults before i could ask them. A few are just curious to talk once with outsiders and they are scared of going further. So they get back to their life: the outsider grass is not greener.
I talked and met reactionaries, especially one who travels a lot. How does he travel?
Unfortunately ignorance leads to clichés, racism, unfounded comments…

I talked with a few who are in love with their wife.
The chemistry of love is complex with my H babies. It could be seen like a negative and destructive feeling. Their life is under control all the time, but to meet a shiksa may tickle their sexual hormones and also some feelings they are not used to live with. They have electronic crush that i have always found very cute, oui oui. :-)
The deepest love they have is for their children, one of the main reasons not to get divorced.

They handle their feelings better than me for sure.
Bred in an unemotional community is easier to run away from the outsiders. How many 'broke-up' with shiksa because she was not Jewish, she was too demanding…? The comfortable nest of the community, family and Dog is more powerful than the qualms of a poor shiksa. :-(

Life of sacrifices…

Hasidic collage

A Hannukah postcard i made for a H baby. :-)

Hasidic photos website

Another website with photos of H babies in London. Watch out London when i get back in Europe, i will come and collect your curls. :-)

Expressive faces from other times… All these generations dancing like crazy… :-)

Hasidic music

Music gives me goose bump all the times. And Yiddish, Jewish songs take the same way on my body.
I love the pronunciation of the 'ch' in Hebrew, that's very sexy.
In French, we say that 'Music soothes the soul (the customs)'.
I watch many Hasidic musical videos.
My favorite one is this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlfyAMHx4Xw
27,842 viewers, but soon 1,000,000, i will make the number explode.

And this one too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l2-Eh3s9po0
We can see the women behind the men. Next time, i will be among them, wearing fake beard, moustache, peyos, and real black clothes. :-)

a book

By this beautiful sunny Sunday, why not spending the day in a park reading this novel by Jonathan Littel? He is the son of Robert Littel, an american writer born in 1967, living in Barcelona.
'The Kindly Ones' ('Les Bienveillantes'), written in French in 2006, around 1,000 pages is an amazing story of a SS officer who travels in Europe during the WWII. First, he wrote an essay about this Belgian SS and following this novel very well-documented. For the second edition, he corrected the few historical mistakes.
I just read on Wikipedia what Littel says about his Jewishness: Littell does not define himself as a Jew "at all", and is quoted as saying, "for me Judaism is more [of] a historical background."
This officer asked questions about the responsibility of European countries, USA and other countries which all knew what was happening in Eastern Europe. Why did it take so much time to react…?
Very well-written and i actually liked the description of the emptiness of Europe after all these massacres.
Voilà !

Hasidic cars

The game i play with myself is to guess which car is a Hasidic babies car.
Most of the time, i win!
The H cars 'wear' modest painting: black, grey or beige, sometimes a sort of fantasy with a navy blue color.
Big car for the dozen of kids or less is very often driven by the husband with his floating peyos when he brakes.
The car is the goy expression of their feelings and emotions: they listen to non Jewish music, change their clothes before hanging out with the shiksa, smoke weed, text, email… The essential accessory is the black plastic bag hiding colored tee-shirt, kippah, tzitzit… They carry it or leave it in the car.
The car is messy with the baby car seats, the toys, the black coat and white shirt hung at the handle and it's worse for the single ones.
Some of them encourage their wife not to learn how to drive, they are the master of this property. They are the driver of their shopping desires and in compensation, they spend a lot of time in it, driving to their shiksa meetings.
They feel comfortable and secure thinking they can't be seen by the community.
The car is the nest for a garçonnière, where their sexual hormones are free and explosive. Watch out! ;-)

never never never forget

http://www.hitlerschildren.com/

Hasidic sex

Today is Shabbos, so it means a day of rest, so it means that my Hasidic babies will enjoy some pleasures.

A day where sport is not allowed except room sport with their twin bed.

The first H i talked online with was my sex consultant. He comes from an open-minded family and he can ask intimate question to his mother. He helped me to understand the complexity of the H sex relationship.

They are not taught how to talk to women and how to talk about sex with women. So their speech is direct, straightforward, using crude and dirty words sometimes. They are not aware of their coarseness. The way they said them looks like a fireworks of black hats on Lee Ave.

As a French, i have no issue to talk about sex, but i admit i have often been surprised by their language.

Oyy Veyy, if i found 'cute' the way they ask, they look at me as an alien. It's obvious for them  to say things like "I want to have sex with you" in a middle of a sentence, having a drink.

I have to ask them to repeat, i wasn't sure to have understood.

They want you at 500%, they are horny with words but in action, it's another story.

Their interpretation of the Torah about 'cheating on their wife' is completely a personal one doubtless. To sleep with a shiksa is allowed by the Torah, but to sleep with a Jewish married woman will awake the anger of Dog.

Various reasons to cheat on their wife, but the main ones are: they never loved her, she is not sexual or/and she doesn't want to please all their fantasies. And they think that the taste of a shiksa is different. By extension, the shiksa seems to be an easier girl than their wife. 

A few begged me to please them without commitment, i didn't have to be worried about that. Thanks for seeing me as a public property of which they are the landlord. They forgot i am the only one to have the keys. They could be very persistent, bragging about their high score to satisfy me: i won't be disappointed.

Their fantasies are out of all proportion without seeing pictures of me. I had to calm them down. They apologized. The lack of sex drives them crazy. But what kind of sex?

Hasidic definition of having sex is usually the path they take to make babies. Foreplay is not sex, oh no! French kiss can be sex!

Cuddle: a Hasidic cuddle is a very deep affection which means a sexual act they don't describe as one.

First the nearly virgins, to have nearly sex is oral sex but not only. One of them told me he had sex with a condom so he was still virgin or nearly. The condom is a sort of hymen. They are very confused and it's worse for the ones who are older because their body wants to follow their sexual hormones when their mind is following the Book.

Watching porn/prostitution services are an option for a few of them when many of them feel dirty if they did it. Or they lie.

I thought that the art of spanking was a Hasidic sexual trend: to give and to receive. My H sexual consultant was not into that. And now, i have the habit to ask them. That's not trendy finally, phew!

They have blockages to go further. It's hard to explain how their brain works. They have clumsy questions. I encouraged them to talk with their wife first or to meet a therapist. 

I actually feel bad for them, they will never know how it feels to fall asleep in the arms of their lover, but just to sleep in a single bed like a kid. Hope that some couple in love move closer their bed together.

The first and one love is Dog, unconditional love. When their hormones are very high for the shiksa, Dog seems to be on rest.

Pre Pessah dinner and demo

Yesterday i have been to a Lubavitch shul for a demo/dinner. I was wearing modest clothes. 

The ambiance was nice but i didn't feel Jewish or half Jewish. Why? I didn't see my roots there as i saw them on all these majestic hirsute faces in Williamsburg. 

The rabbi is a nice person and his wife is very welcome but i had an issue with my complexity Jewishness/Atheism.

I never prayed, or beg on my knees. To see people in a sort of prayers trance, lying on the ground or on their knees in churches, always freaked me out. Maybe something is missing me.

Yesterday, i feel the Jewishness as a family, sharing a meal with my European friends. 

And i was looking around to be inspired religiously but i found nothing except books.

I was not very social. I was in an avoided questions mood about my life, research…

The rabbi told me that the room where we had dinner was for services during the winter. Above, a large room is for summer services during.

I made a wish when i came in as we do in my country when it's the first time you go in a place, you eat something for the first time in the year… anyway for any first time.

There was a chef who explained how to cook a Pessah meal. All the courses were vegetarian and my French palate was pleased. I am very picky and careful with food. I enjoyed the white wine.

Leonard Freed again and always…

I found two other photos by him which are beautiful.
- Amsterdam, The Netherlands, 1958, Jewish old age home
- NYC, 1954, Hasidic wedding
I love the old people. They know so many stories, you don't need to open a history book.
I remember an old lady in Krakow who gave the sign to knife me because she thought i was German and she didn't want me to take photos of workers in the streets.
I calmed her down, telling her i was French. Her face became sunny. She didn't speak French or English but we have a conversation: her speaking Polish and me English. She hated Germans and Russians but she loved the French. I tried to understand what she was telling. I recognized some words.
The only thing i remember: during the WWII, there was no school and she spent her day at the kino (movie theater). We shared a part of history without understanding each other. She talked with passion and her big heart. I made her day and she made mine. Maybe she was Jewish. She brought her secret with her.

Fake names, age, emails, photos…

I exchanged about 8,000 emails with the Hasidic babies since nearly one year. It's a lot.
It's just the beginning because i go on posting ads, less than before, and i collect new stories.
I am a collector of words. I re-read some emails sometimes.
I have to read some loud to understand the misspelled words. Thanks to my dyslexia, it helps sometimes!

Retrospectively, i could say from which sect they are according to the fake name they use.
The most famous names are: David, Jacob, Joel with different spellings.
David is the favorite name of the community: short, easy to understand, no need to Americanize it, an universal name if you are Jewish or not. And a name my mother wanted to give me if i was born a boy.
David could be used by any sect compares to the two others. Jacob from Vizhnit, Pupu, Bobov and Satmar. And most of the Joel are from Satmar.
I had to organize my inbox, created folders to remember which David, Jacob and Joel i was talking with.
They never gave me their last names and i never asked. I would love to know them because i adore Hebrew names and their meaning.
The famous last names are colors: pink, green, red… the colors of the rainbow. I miss it the purple, silver. A palette of colors without the white and black.
For those who gave me their first name and last name, they are totally fake: double life, 'Doctor Jekyll and mister Hyde', less the paranoia, though…

Age: from 19 to 30. I talked with older ones but they are a few.
They don't seem to be many who lie about their age. The virgin ones lie because they seem ashamed to be virgin. Usually the virgins are around 25-27, and they have decided not to get married younger. They want  a sort of career. But their mind is burning by their deep desires of sex. I will talk about their relationship to sex later in another post.

Emails: the popular words used are Jew, Jewish, frum. Then, some have hot words like 'superhorny jew@…'. They lay their cards on the table. But it doesn't mean that they are super horny, but Jew for sure… They play with the names of the areas where they live, adding numbers or not. Some are quirkier and create an email very funny.
Most of them have 2 or 3 different emails but the French lady is not naive. I recognized their writing style, their sense of humor.

Photos: they love photos. They dare to ask you to send yours. I did at the beginning when some sent me photos they found on google, banging on their keyboard 'Hasidic'. I was naive before understanding the huge paranoia and fear to send a real photo of themselves.
I don't send mine anymore but drawings.
A few sent their real pic and/or their cannon with two wheels. Bon appétit!
They thought that Jews are the only ones to be circumcised and that i never saw one.
Even when i asked for having a peyos photo, they remained paranoid.
And i never took photo of them when i met them.
They are scared that i walk in Willy with the pic of their peyos and pretending i am working for the PBI (Peyos Bureau Investigation). No way!

A nice morning

Woke up at 5am, gazing at the blue sky as i like it in NY.
And oh, oh, a Hasidic baby just came in where i work.
I recognize the various sects according to their payosness, the way they dress…
I had conversations by email and in person with Chabadic people sometimes. It's not my favorite sect because of their easy approachability. I like challenge with human beings: the ones who are ignored by outsiders whom many clichés are given.
It was a delightful conversation with a very open-minded one. He is from Israel but lives in Brooklyn since many years. He is a Yeshiva teacher.
We looked into each other's eyes, and he didn't have his eyes in his pocket, if you understand what i mean. Hé hé !
He encouraged me to my Jewishness research, to believe in what/who i wanted. I have to feel well with who i am.
A Tibetan proverb says that it's not the aim which is important, but the path. I follow my Jewish path, trying to understand why it's deeply inside me. How can we live our Jewishness without being religious, without practicing…?
The Hasidic babies who left the community to live a secular life and that i met, all agreed that they couldn't get married a shiksa. No more drama in the family. A shiksa blood can't give birth to a Jewish blood baby?
Unfortunately, i only met one Hasidic woman, so i don't know if this 'theory' is reversible. She left the community and i am pretty sure, she will never get married a shegetz. But it's too early to say.
I wanted and i would like to meet more Hasidic women. Hasidic babies say that women are happy in their community. Why? Because they focused on their children, the kitchen, the house cleaning…?
And they can forget the husband they don't like? They don't spend time on Internet or Craiglist as their husband do.
These women met at the Pupu shul seemed happy to be together. What about their intimacy? I heard so many things coming from the outsiders that i don't want to detail here.

Further, we talked about the meanness of New Yorkers more present here than in other states. I am shocked to see so much wickedness freely.
I offered my service to teach some art to the Yeshiva girls. He was interested by the idea but he knows that it's a little more complicated to concretize my desires.

Rebel

According to Merriam-Webster, a rebel is "opposing or taking arms against a government or ruler".
This word bothers me when it's used for my Hasidic babies. Willy, BP, CH are not states, they don't have an official government.
I saw these areas like ghettos, open ghettos. I mean by 'open': i am allowed to walk in there, to go to the stores if i am modest and to talk business if i buy something.
I always find a pretext to ask a question and start a conversation. I love supermarkets for that.
I don't really see how they are rebels. Or let's change the definition by: "opposing or taking arms against a rabbi".
Since when the rabbi decides who is not following the rules? I heard about rabbinical tribunal and i was not sure to understand which rights they have to make so much pain to people, especially children.
Because you have secular friends, because you hang out sometimes… because what? Because you ask for fresh air…? You are considered 'rebel' by this rabbinical tribunal?
I was rebel at school and with my mom. I was often punished at school, and my mom survived to my rebellion. I didn't want to follow the social rules of my 'world'/H world: marriage, kids, tralala…/wash your hands, pray, eat, work, pray, work, pray, learn…
The government didn't reject me. Some friends don't understand the life i chose to not follow the norm. I love my freedom and independence as much as my Hasidic babies.
The description of the Satmar, Bobov, Pupu rules look like cult practices than sect practices?
They are the rebels, with no integrity to the US government and they take the right to change the life of the 'rebels' dramatically.
I will never consider my Hasidic babies as rebels.

Following…,

the publication, i received nice messages from Hasidic babies.
One of them was very touching.
Thanks to Unpious, he discovered that he was not the only one to think differently.
He is happy in his personal and professional life but asks for more freedom. He was 'speechless (emotional)' that i replied to him. First time he was talking to a shiksa.
Born and bred in a strict sect, he needs to breath outsider air. He has issue to express himself but by writing me, he does it very well. So much pain and struggle.

I am very intrigued how Hasidic parents are with their children: do they hug, kiss, cuddle them? Can they ask for more affection?
Once, i was in a supermarket in Bed-Stuy, and two kids were sitting on trays. One little girl and one little boy. They played a lot together, pulling and pushing each other. I think they were old enough to be separated at school. The fathers were too busy and focused on the food to buy to let them live their life. I had to be fascinated by this moment, then i am not used to having been raised like that.
I loved to play with my girlfriends and boyfriends, i was in love too.

Why does he think he is different? what does it mean?
What is the definition of a human being?
He is not different, we have been created to think, to have our own conception of life. We are not robots, machines, following rules.

Fear, fear to be abandoned by the outsiders when you don't reply fast.
It is a full-time job, i took the time to share human stories.

Another one said to me that usually the articles on Unpious brings down the community, but not mine. I never had this impression by reading many pieces. If everything was like in a Barbie world, nobody would write about. It's hard for the ones who stay in the community to understand the deep reasons why some left. They use their brain to talk about their anger, frustrations… It's just a way to give  themselves a chance to choose a life they want, to work on it, to think by themselves…
There is always a price to pay when you make choice or not.
I am not able to say which one is the most expensive right now, my life is not over.

I sent the text to French friends. One of them told me that she is scared of my Hasidic babies.
I told her they are more scared by you that you are of them. She admitted to be scared of what she doesn't know, in other words: ignorance.
Even my Jewish friends don't understand why and how i can find an interest: many clichés unfortunately. 'The sheet in the hole' since KADDOSH by Amos Gitai. I asked too at the beginning, all say no.
To live his/her jewishness in France, and maybe in Europe is more complicated than here. How many people asked me if i was Jewish as if they asked me what time it was?
Appearance based-prejudice is common occurrence in France.
Europeans don't like to be invaded, they have known some many wars.
They need a scapegoat. During my childhood, Portuguese and the Spanish were the scapegoats. Then the Arabs, then Africans, then all of them… and Jewish too… depending on the news.

Yes, yes, yes, here i could reply, without turning back my head to see if my mom was there, "I am half-Jewish". "Which half?". According to my mood, i went on having a conversation and sometimes, i just said 'no'.