An abused Hasidic

This post concerns a young Hasidic baby, D., i had a conversation online about one year ago.

I never met him because my intuition sent me signs there was something wrong with him.

It's the story of a H baby who has been abused.

As you know, H babies lie a lot at different levels. So i am not here to say if this story is true or not but if it's that's very horrible.

I don't think that people invent this kind of story to meet outsiders, though…

It started by a normal conversation, asking the same questions.

He was born and raised in Brooklyn, separated with kids, and he has the whole Hasidic package…

He is young but i won't mention his age.

I asked him to tell me his story and bang!

'I grew up ultra orthox, but through the childhood abuse I encountered, I was spiritually dead. Now I enjoy life.'

Gloups! Ouch!

I wanted to hear more details if he was able to talk:

'Physical, sexual, and psychological' and '… the pain is deep, father, mother, brother, cousin… email cheapens this subject… one day in person, ill get down to it'.

I started to ask him questions if he was the only child to have been abused, if someone helped him, if he sued his family and if he was still in touch with it.

He asked me to call him.

I replied that i preferred to meet him in person.

How can we have a normal life after such a drama? There are no excuses to abuse someone or to rape her/him.

The conversation resumed and i was in a sort of deep empathy with his personal story.

I don't force people to talk. We work in the same field and i had a final to pass. He took and passed it a few years ago and wanted to help me to review the lessons. But i was fine.

We planned to meet soon.

His English is pretty good, he is intelligent and has friends from both sides.

He is not a judgmental person, so it was very pleasant to talk with him.

I never knew if he has met a shrink but he has met Dog:

'I love God, and have a deep relationship with Him. I needed to leave all the pain associated with religion, but I found Him, nevertheless'.

Dog is a man! :-)

My reply: 'I never found him. :-)))

But I love how my Hasidic friends talk about him. They give me the desire to believe in him  sometimes. But I can't find him. So I have other beliefs doubtless. :-))))))'

D.: 'Of course it's hard to find Him. You didn't grow up with Him.'

Me: 'Even kid I tried to understand, I have been at church service on my demand and follow some friends to catechism. Both were boring but I loved to ask sexual questions to the priest to embarrass him and maybe to get him turned on. I am very naughty sometimes. :-))))))))'

D.: 'Lol, ask me any sexual questions, you naughty girl'.

How can we have a normal sexual life after having been abused?


I can't explain how it clicked to my mind and teased deeply my intuition but if i had to meet him, i wanted to give his phone number to a friend because i didn't feel safe. I was scared of going to the bathroom and that he poured something chemical in my glass. How could i be discreet to send a text message to this friend when i was talking with him at the bar?


The next subject confirmed that my intuition was pretty good.

I asked him if he was into spanks: to give and to receive. :-)

D.: 'I love pranks, pulling them and getting them… my ex was once chewing me out, because she made a stew and I tasted it, she decided that because I tasted it, there wasnt enough for her. So I groung uo some sleeping pills and put them in… man did she sleep… never told her'.

My empathy was still there but i was scared of meeting him. Was it funny to have done that? No.

I can't blame or judge him when his family stole his innocence when he was a little boy. How long did it last? How old was he when it started?… I don't know.

My big issue was how to let him know that i don't want to meet him because of my good intuition. I am scared of not to be able to handle such a situation, and also i didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him.

I am a big fish of emotions myself and i can understand when someone doesn't want to handle my temper.


Then we resumed the spanks conversation:

D.: 'Lol, spanks? Thats my favorite play. You better watch yourself. I will be your daddy. I also love receiving'.

Me: 'I didn't say if I like or not, and if I will play with you too.

Watch out!!!!

;-))))))))))'

D.:'True, but now I know that you like to be manhandled'.

Me: 'Really?

:-)'

D.: 'Really.'

Me: 'If you say so, it's your right to think that.

I lmao on the floor. :-))))'

D.: 'Are you denying that you like to spank bad boys?'

Me: 'I don't think that I live in denial.

:-))))'

D.: 'Ok then'

Me: 'I am not a little girl anymore. :-))))'

D.: 'Fair enough, Ma'am'

Me: 'I don't like bad boys :-)))))

And you are not a little boy anymore.'

D.: 'Very very true, in so many ways'.

Me: 'I hope for you.'

D.: 'Yes, ty, it is'.

The day after

D.: 'Sorry I was out of line tonight'

Me: 'What do you mean?'

D.: 'Just too sexual'

Me: 'What?

You?

Or what we said?'

D.: 'Nevermind then'

Very intriguing and annoying not to have the end of the story.

I made a Hasidic decision: to disappear without leaving a note…

I felt guilty. I made mistakes sometimes not to follow my intuition and i got myself into trouble.

This time, i followed it. You can call me a coward or an immature person.

I am still intrigued how he looks at his children without thinking of what happened to him. 

He has two little girls, so it might be a different look that if it was little boys.

To have friends from both sides is a sign that he is sociable and probably a good person.