Today i am upset

I know they lie all the time, i know that… I know my Hasidic babies don't live in a real world, no, in a modern world…
But man, one of them 'betrayed' me.
I was suspicious about things but i don't understand, i am baffled.
I never thought he lied about his divorce.
Because each time, i asked questions about his marriage, i saw a very dark shadow in his sparkling eyes and on his smiling lips. Knowing that his marriage could be a real drama, i never insisted.
I was sure he had kids even if he pretended not to have.
He is so easy-going, comfortable, a little scared of being seen, but amongst all the Hasidim i met, he was one of the most confident.

I know that it's hard to trust someone because you were born in lying, you keep going on lying…
My both parents are liars and i am totally the opposite. I am attracted with a community which lives in lying, should i get the message?
My motivation to know their culture are tied up with my family history. I got it.
I felt bad when i knew that his wife is a nice person, open-minded doubtless…

And about the others? The closest ones? Same script?
Doubtless… unfortunately…
I am trying to build friendship, deep friendship, to make them comfortable to express what they feel…
There is always fence and i jump over to show them that they can talk to me. I have an European education too and i am a shiksa, so a bridge between two cultures. I am an outsider working with brooklynites and hanging out with Hasidim.
I am so disappointed and i have to remain quiet because i am not supposed to know the truth…
What they don't understand is that i want to know their truth, the way they live not the way they hide their life. I understand that if they talk to shiksa, they don't want to talk about their reality but they understand that it's what i am looking for without getting them into trouble.
Lying is forbidden in the Torah but… as they always say. Yes i know the meaning of this 'but'.
I am not a gawker when i take a stroll in Willy.
Once, i was on Lee Ave, playing with a cat from a bakery. A Hasidic couple was walking, and the woman came with her daughter to show her the cat. I turned back and smiled at them. Oyyy Veyyy!
She was completely scared. I gave up because of the husband. But, maybe, i had conversations on the Web with him.

Most of my Hasidic babies i talked with are from 20 to 39 years old. Just one was in his late 50's.
What will be their life in 20, 30 years? Running after shiksa or they will find serenity and be submissive, following the rules because they are tied up to their destiny?
That's why i am looking for deep relationship to see what they will do with their life.
We all have choice and they have a lot to lose if they leave the community, but the change can come from the inside.
I remember these ladies at the Pupu shul who told me: 'We have a rabbi, and we follow what the rabbi says.' It was so obvious for her, but despite that, she was the first to come to me to ask me questions.

Anyway, it was a bad day for my hearty Hasidic vibes…