Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Sukkot experience

I will try to find the feelings i had when i have been to the Pupu shul for Sukkot.
I will copy what i wrote to my Hasidic friends after.


First Sukkot experience in a Pupu shul

I fell in love

I don't know if you will understand what i felt because you dived in this universe since you are circumcised. :-)

So i took my favorite bus B44 to go to my favorite hairy area.
I was perfectly in black, but not old fashioned as the fashion is there, anyway, a modern Hasidic.
I put a scarf on my hair 2 stops before and i was the last one in the bus. :-)
But what i didn't know was that the last stop is in Marcy st and when i went out of the bus, there were many H families who looked at me.
I ran away from them to be in a dark street, walking and looking down.
But they all looked at me, even kids and men… :-)
Why, why, why?
Because i am too modern, because i am alone (i saw H women walking alone), because i have a bag, because i wiggle my hips differently… :-)

I was completely amazed by so many people in the streets, wow!
A night life, Willy is so trendy! :-)
I am used to seeing that but usually there are more men than women and kids…

I walked up to penn street and i saw a woman, i followed her.
My heart bumped to be refused at the entry.
I remained natural and didn't look at these women too much.
But they looked at me once again.
Climbing the stairs, i heard the men singing and all my heart bumped once again, so beautiful, and with a huge desire to go where men were…
(i dream to have a bath with all these men) :-)

There were already many women with kids and the architecture of room is weird.
You can't see down if you are not closed to the windows.
And windows, which are not practical because with all these lights, you have the reflection of your own face and mine with the scarf, wow, i got the giggles.
So i came to the closest part to see the rabbi and all these men with their Torah in their arms.
I don't know if women have their favorite benches and sit there each time they come.
I was behind an old woman with a turban and with her grand-children…
She looked at me and say 'good night' in Yiddish with a big smile, yippee!
I said to her that i didn't speak Yiddish, she asked me which languages i spoke: 'English, French, Spanish, Russian…'
She replied: 'Ah you speak English and French…'
I told her that my father is Jewish and i loved this community, it was the reason i was there tonight…
She saw my bag and told me that during holy days, you can't come to the shul with money…
Oups, i just replied that i just have my metrocard (yes i have money and all my f***ing credit cards).
I stayed behind her and all the men started to sing and moved their bodies on the benches.
And i saw this little old man running on the dancefloor with the Torah (is it the rabbi?) and all these men supported him by their songs as he was running a race.
I admitted that i have the giggles a little.

And in the same time, i felt so sad, because of my obsession of the WWII.
To see all these men, women, kids from these old times by the way they dressed sent my mind back to what Hitler did to your people and my family too…
You are all the survivors of these awful times…
I was glad too that if Hitler can watch that, he must be very upset that despite what he did, you are still alive and many (yep you rebuilt your people).
I know that in the camps Jewish used to sing a lot…
I love to see the smiles on these faces yesterday…

During the break, i saw this old lady threw away a woman who stood behind her bench, wow, so harsh!
She was like the queen of the bench…
I loved the way the women looking for their husband and showing him to their girlfriends especially when one of them carried the Torah.

Before the second song, i was closer to the window and a young woman looked at me and spoke to me in Yiddish.
I started a conversation with her and her girlfriends.
One of them spoke very well English, they were super cute.
I explained fast my personal story and asked them if they were from Satmar: nope, from something like 'pop-up' :-)))))))
They were from Hungary and the woman told me that they follow what the rabbi says, how he teaches the Torah, the rabbi is their leadership…
I told them that it was my first time here and i made a wish that i keep in private.
The woman corrected my English, and explained to the first woman what i was saying (apparently she didn't understand my French accent) so funny!

I have two things to add:
- i hated the noise made by all these women, gossiping, kids screaming because that avoided me to hear these men that i wanted to spank :-)
- i loved the way some women enjoyed this moment… something you can't catch because you are not allowed to be there with them…
Maybe because you don't have tv, these women are completely fascinated by this moment even if they are used to seeing that since they were born…
But there was an intense ambiance, a sort of adrenaline, excitement when men started to sing…
A sort of unity, union to share these moments… like a 'Broadway' show they wait for with impatience…
I left early because women arrived by groups with their strollers…
When i started to go down the stairs, they pushed me and other women, like fights… :-)))
I walked in the streets and once again, they all looked at me…
I walked down lee ave, and in nostrand, i took off my scarf and wait for the bus and i saw these groups of men walking and singing to the way to CH i think…


So i will get back and maybe one day one of these women will invite me to share a Shabbos meal with her family… :-)

After this email, my Hasidic boyfriends explained me the why of how. 
I had a pocket book, and i am not supposed to carry things, and money of course. If i didn't have this pocket, they'd never look at me, even in the streets. I am not sure about that.
And it's not a pop-up shul, but a Pupu shul.
Some women pay to have a bench, especially for Sukkot or other holidays.
It was the rabbi dancing with the Torah.
I chose this shul on Penn street, because a Satmerer (who doesn't want to let me know he is one of them, but i know he is) advised me to go there not to meet me. And also he danced with the Torah.
I didn't get back since Sukkot, but i will soon.




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