If the world would be bigger

We all try to hide…
You leave your country and the first thing i avoid is to meet French people.
I am here to dive in a world of different cultures as i am used to enjoying it…
Then you meet nice and bad people…

Last March, i was on my way to close my work place and to leave.
A guy came in and he saw some Hasidic stuffs i had.
We started to talk about the complexity of my Jewishness.
He is Jewish, lives in Willy and is getting to convert to be a Satmarer.
He calls himself 'The Satmarcentric yid'.
But without all the Hasidic package: no black clothes, no peyos…
He used to organize parties between Hasidim and hipsters 12 years ago. True or not?
He was not very clear about his Satmar intentions.
He offered me to meet a woman from Satmar who could help me to understand who i am, so be it…

The day after, he sent me an email to set up a class with me to study Beyond A Reasonable Doubt by Rabbi Shmuel Walman.
I googled the book and found it was recommended for readers with a strong Torah background. With my Torah For Dummies, my background was a little poor.
I asked other Hasidic and ex Hasidic guys about the book: "It will confuse your mind more" and "bullshit".
But i felt the intention of this man was to spend time with me to chat me up. And sorry, he smells bad, and he didn't have all his teeth. :-)
He looked like more than his age, i think it was 55 or 58.
Last time i replied to his persistent emails was after i came back from my roots, end of April.

He sent me one or two emails with things he sells in a store in Coney Island…
I never replied.

Yesterday, a meshuga Jewish guy came in my work place. He said he is an actor. I was at a real show.
He doesn't believe in Dog but tried to convince me that Dog exists. He wanted me to lock the door and to talk to Dog once he left.
He think that Dog is responsible of our destiny, choices, chance…
Because i don't believe that things come randomly, does it mean i believe in Dog. According to him, yes.
He came back later to show me his Jewish gift bow that he wants to sell…
He wants to organize a party in my work place with DJ as myself.
He was on his way to leave when a Jewish couple came in.
The woman is my homonym i already talked about her on this blog. She came with his boyfriend.
She knew the meshuga guy that she hasn't seen since one year.
That was totally crazy, especially when the meshuga guy realized that the boyfriend was his teacher a long time ago.
They decided to go to the place of the crazy guy and came back later to me telling me to be cautious with him.
I asked how was his wife: depressed…
He didn't want them to leave, he was very dominant and overbearing with them. They ran away.

And today the Satmarcentric sent me an email that he just talked with the meshuga guy that he knows very well.
Such a nightmare!
The meshuga guy came back with his wife. I don't really know if she is depressed but she is quiet enough to handle a egocentric man as he is.
I was very embarrassed because he gave me so many compliments in front of his wife. That was not easy to include her in the conversation. But she knows her husband better than me and, she asked me questions too.
He talked about his friend, the pre-Satmar, and i didn't mention that i received an email. I just said that i met him once. He wants to bring him back to my work place. Help! Help!

The meshuga guy told me he got converted to Sephardic. I didn't know you could do that.
Everything is Kosher for him if there is no pig: keyboard shortcut for him not for the H babies.


Last news of Mister Cuddle: i found a Missy Cuddle who gave me her email address. Her nickname is Moonflower.
I don't have more details if he really emailed her. Because he lies, watch out!

My Hasidic girlfriend is engaged and we will have a L'chaim party this week! I am looking forward to meeting her future husband, friends…

Berdychiv Synagogue, ul. Machnowiecka, UKRAINE, 103 years ago (c. 1910)

Simone de Beauvoir

Ok H babies, she is not Hasidic, or American but it's Friday and the week-end is for galipettes (sexual dalliances) in Hasidic families. :-)
She is a French writer, a feminist but not in a radical way.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simone_de_Beauvoir
Her famous novel is The Second Sex that i recommend to all the H babies for many reasons.
Once you have read this one, i will recommend you America Day by Day that she wrote in 1947.
She lived a long relationship with Jean-Paul Sartre, another famous French writer. They had lovers of both sex and sometimes they shared them.

This woman, Catholic from a bourgeois family, wrote a lot about women condition…
So H babies, it's time for you to understand how a woman brain works, no?
That will be a good start instead of having fantasies about a shiksa that you have never seen. :-)
Yes women have a brain and can decide which man can share their pillow, and we are not disposable toys for your male libido. 

I started to read America Day by Day, and what she thinks of the American society in 1947 didn't really change. I can make a parallel with the H babies in their relationship to women which is complex.
The trivialization of sex in the American society is current in 1947 and it's worse now.
For some H babies, that could be current if the desire to have sex wasn't handle by the Torah. Penetration is the worst sin, but the rest has no value.
'On ne voit pas d'amoureux dans les rues ; dans les allées de Central Park, pas de couples enlacés, pas de lèvres jointes. D'ailleurs on parle de l'amour avec des mots spécialisés, presque hygiéniques : une femme agréable est sexy, on aimerait avoir avec elle une sex-affair, un sexual-intercourse. Il y a une acceptation rationnelle de la sensualité qui est une manière sournoise de la refuser.' 
She said that 'we can't see lovers in the streets, in the alleys of Central Park, no embraced couples, no kisses. Moreover, we talk about love with specialized words, nearly hygienic: a pleasant woman is sexy, we would like to have a sex-affair with her, a sexual-intercourse. There is a rational acceptation of the sensuality which is a sneaky manner to refuse it.'

New York and his society of consumption of food, shopping, money, and also women.
Hasidic community and his society of consumption of Torah, children, Dog and women… Living in a closed world where you can't kiss your wife in public place, not even hold her hand because most of the time they don't like each other, and the customs have to restrict the H women to be sexy in the streets. But the real questions is 'how to calm down the male hormones'. If Moses has written the book, he was a man thinking with his penis first before his brain? Polygamy was accepted at the beginning but only for men.

So H babies, read Simone de Beauvoir to know how to treat a woman. You can't force someone to give you enjoyment behind a screen. Recently, a H baby offered me to meet in a bar and agreed to hide his peyos (after i gave him the recipe: to buy a baseball cap, to take off his tzitzit or put the fringes in his pants), if i let him touch me badly. He never saw me and, i refuse to meet him so far.
He has never been in a bar with a shiksa and he is scared of losing everything. Stop to this paranoia! The community is big but not everywhere.

Ask Santa Hannukah to bring you these books, they will light your steamy dreams up!
I like you a lot H babies but let me breath sometimes! :-)

Last Thursday

My only ex hasidic female friend announced me she will get married soon.
How surprised, cautious, happy i was!

I met her via Craiglist during summer 2012.
First, i thought she was a man and asked her many times before meeting her in Borough Park.
Very few Hasidic women are on CL.
The first meeting was nice. She was disturbed, anxious to meet someone from the community, not because she was with a woman but with a 'shiksa'.
She chose the area where to meet, she probably knew what she was doing.
Two ex Hasidic babies friends were scared for me that she was a man with bad intentions. I have to give them news just after the meeting. :-)
She told me that she didn't want to get married to a man she didn't love and shave her hair.
Her close sister just got married a few months before, and left for Upstate NY. She felt alone.
She used to hang out with H babies but i was the first outsider she met.

I felt all the drama she was living, struggling with her emotions to make her parents accept she was 'different'. No, you are not!
She prayed a lot, she told me!

She had a job in a Jewish family in the Bronx. I met them at the shul in Manhattan a few times.
They were nice with her. They helped her a lot after she ran away from her family.
She used to live with them till the woman of the family asked her for leaving asasp.
Another drama.
I met her during these hectic times and asked her to stay in my place to breath a little.
She was very strong but you can feel that her body was full of tears. One drama after another one.
She couldn't drink her morning coffee before getting back to the family for a new fight.

They found her an apartment, she found a job in a field she likes.
Another new start.
She is a strong believer, she loves Dog.
And she believes in love!

She met Jewish men but once again: dramas. She had the strength to move on them fast.

And she met love.

A man from Crown Heights, and she will live soon in my area. That's great!
She asked me questions if i have already met him: no.
I am not sure to have talked to him on CL because of the fake names.
But he is young, and i avoid to talk to too young men.

I remain cautious because she met him via a friend since a couple of months.
She lives with her best friend, a Jewish young girl. She likes her lover.
If you don't know me, i am straightforward and i prefer to prevent than to cure.
So i asked her the fatal questions: 'Why do you want to get married so fast?'.
Her reply gave me cold sweat: 'im scared that i wont ever get married, and that i wont find someone to love me. its scary without family.
im still sooo sad about losing them.'
When she left the community, her parents cut her off.
She invited her mother who tried to call her after she ran away. But her father asked her not to do it anymore because she was dead for them. And she lost contact with her close sister who moved abroad later.
Yes, that's pretty sad!
I can't convince her to wait a little. I told her to follow her intuition.

And i am happy for her, my heart will remain a little worried.
It will be my first Hasidic wedding: 'you are my French soul sister. you will be tanty Emma to my kinderlach.'
Yippee! I have found a Hasidic family at last!
I will probably cried rivers of tears…

She is not going to shave her hair, i didn't ask for the wig.
Her best friend is very sad that she will leave her but she can move in Crown Heights, working in Brooklyn, that will be easier and funnier.

So it was a perfect day as Lou Reed used to sing it. I didn't know he was Jewish, but who cares!
A video of this song with images from one of my favorite movie 'The Wings Of Desire' by Wim Wenders. Beautiful German language, beautiful shoot of Berlin, delightful music…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGiL9SOqhO8

I don't pray but i cross my fingers that it will be a long marriage of love… and Hasidic as well…

When a frum talks about the Hasidic babies

That's very interesting what this frum wrote to me. 
Usually, i don't like when someone criticizes my parents, i am the only one to have this right.

He knows better than me this community, i am just listening:
'- They have an ego about them. They feel above everyone else.
- It seems they have little-to-no respect for women and ANYONE who is not one of them.
- These guys, the majority of them perhaps, put on a pious act. It's the basic stuff that bothers me. Their Torah learning does not impress me if they do not have common courtesy towards other people. A smile. A thank you. A How are you? Giving up their seat to a woman, pregnant woman or an elderly individual, helping someone carry a carriage in the subway's staircase, the list goes on. Where are they with their basic concern for others?
STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO CALLS YOU A SHIKSA. ICH. That's disgusting. Especially if he liked you. How can he call you that? It's derogatory.
Don't get me wrong. They have their positives. I hate to stereotype. But they should know better. They should work on their reputations.' 

So H babies, what do you think about that?
Shiksa, ah!
Many Jews told me not to use this word, but to say "non Jewish girl".
I thought of changing the name of this blog after their comments.

'Shiksa (Yiddish: שיקסע shikse) is a word of Yiddish origin that has moved into English usage (as well as Polish), mostly in North American Jewish culture, as a term for anon-Jewish woman, initially and sometimes still pejorative but now often used satirically. Shiksa refers to any non-Jewish (gentile) woman or girl who might be a temptation to Jewish men or boys, e.g., for dating, intermarriage, etc.' ©Wikipedia

'A Gentile girl or woman, especially one who has attracted a Jewish man. The term derives from the Hebrew word "sheketz", meaning the flesh of an animal deemed taboo by the Torah. Since a Jewish man marrying a non-Jewish woman is taboo also, this word applies to her. 

Traditionally this is a derogatory term, though in modern times it has also been used more light-heartedly.' ©Urban Dictionary

Should i keep or change the name? Maybe if i find something better.

I am a half shiksa with a Jewish heart and soul, and an atheist faith. I am lost!

Mister Cuddle

Recently, i met a frum in his late 30s. He is not Hasidic: no beard, no moustache!
He said i won't be disappointed: i won't be for sure, he is married.
He didn't want to tell me his common name because he is cautious. He is right: with a first name i will find him out very easily! :-)
He wanted to speak on the phone without giving me his phone number: you are right, i will stalk you, i have nothing better to do.
The online conversations were funny but if i asked too many private questions, he said that he will reply in person.
Incredible paranoia! Maybe worse than the one of the H babies!
He speaks my language but he needs improvement so the deal was: he teaches me Yiddish one hour and in return i teach him French one hour, and the last hour we speak Frenchdish, Yiddench if we are drunk.
He accepted the deal.
He is not a patient person so the occasion to have a wedding in the area where i work was an excuse to meet me 2 minutes.

We had a conversation on the phone previously. He told me that the sex was inexistent with his wife and she asked him to go and sleep with other women! Ouch!

He was very persistent and needed to meet me to check if i was real after a phone conversation: i don't disguise my voice when talking on the phone.
If i don't reply to his emails within the next 2 minutes, he sent the same twice… :-)
'I am patient and very human- I am kind sweet tactile and giving. I am honest, but you can not know that yet.'

I made him promise not to stalk me. He promised.
His next emails were his GPS way, and i had to stop him to turn in my street. '630': i know by heart all the buildings of the avenue. Stop!

He came. He was always on the go. He was already late for the wedding when he arrived here.
I had to throw him away. He felt more comfortable, i was real! Kidding!

Later, the conversation was resumed by email. I was focused on the idea of our language classes but not him.
He started by asking if i like massages: no, by strangers, yes, by my boyfriend.
'A shame for you. Mine are amazing'. I reminded him he was married, he understood 'Does that mean I am married and ugly ?'. What is the point?
'I am NOT looking for sex but a friend somebody to be warm and cuddly with would be amazing'.
I know pretty well how it starts and how it could end.
I am not a cuddles machine, let me breath!

His message was unclear: he wanted to hold and talk. To hold what? 'I don't know'.
I helped him to tell me which things he wanted to hold 'book, hands, body…?'
I just offered a decent proposition: 'we will start by you, holding your French book, me, holding my Yiddish book.'

I let him calm his sexual hormones down and he came back after Shabbos: 'I really need a cuddle partner too though'.

I decided to be a good friend and to post an ad for him on Craiglist to help him to find Mrs Cuddle to cuddle Mister Cuddle!
He was very happy!
The first reply was by a Frum male who was confused with the ad. He is looking for the same thing that Mister Cuddle. I might share the replies with both of them after all.
Two replies so far and i think they came from prostitutes.

But Mister Cuddle is more persistent and wants me to be Mrs Cuddle: 'You should let me please u'.
No way!
I asked him if he had a crush on me: 'Will admitting it help you agree ?'
And he added that he was separated and that was a deep secret.
I couldn't believe him anymore. And he said earlier he was honest.
He tried to convince me: 'maybe if we start off with the cuddling and friendship over time you can believe'.
In parallel, i had the second Frum who is persistent too and tried to be witty to convince me to cuddle him later. :-)

So many desperate men! Please guys, get divorced and enjoy life! I know that's not so easy but give it a try!
Could Shabbos be earlier this week please? Thanks!

H Halloween or not?

I found a post which makes me have the giggles.
Some H babies didn't like this post because they think, what did they think?
I let you do your own opinion!
This is the link:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/stp/4085288381.html
And his text:
hi iam a 43 crossdresser who loves to dress up as a frum woman looking to dress up for a frum guy .maybe i can dress up for you while your wife is away upstate and be your seceret frum wife .new to men looking for safe fun only very discrete here  

He posted photos of him dressed up as frum woman.
I was intrigued and I wrote to this man. I thought he was gay but not at all.
He met one Hasidic man and he said it was so so without giving me details.
He doesn't seem very smart. Why did he post a photo of his penis too?
Later, he wanted to chat with me and meet me up. No way! :)
The only things i know is that he likes dressing like a frum woman a lot. I wanted to know the reasons.
He doesn't seem interested by the frum culture more than that.
Enjoy and let me know your thoughts! :)

A 'non sexual' frummy post

I am used to posting on Craiglist when i am inspired.
The other i decided to read some posts searching 'Hasidic', 'Frum', not Jewish because there are too many posts and i don't have time.
And i found this one:

no sex - just hug and kisses - m4w 
Hi I'm a nice clean frum Jewish guy , 33 6ft 190p ,
I have brown hair green eyes ,
I'm looking for a friend , to be together , just laying together talk , kiss , smile and make love , explore each others body but no sex
I preffer Jewish women , frum a plus
Come let's talk  
 
33 years old!
First i laughed and i wanted to learn more so i replied to him: 'Do u know that to make love is sex? :)'
His reply: 'Hmm maybe ....'
More and more intrigued…
My reply: 'It's not maybe: to make love is the elegant way to say to have sex!'
Him: 'Ha-ha So what are you into?'
Me: 'Let me know what is your definition of sex please?What is 'no sex'?I am intrigued :)'
Him: 'I meant to say Sex is not a must!
I will be satisfied to start making love by just kissing and hugging and not right away going all the way' Me: '?'

The conversation stopped like that. Better than a dog bitting his tail. I was in a dead end.I am actually fascinated. I sent him an email with straightforward questions about foreplay asking if it was sex or not for him, he never replied.

And in the same time, i was talking with a Hasidic man in his 50s, who had an affair during 5 years with a Jewish woman, non Hasidic. He did everything except penetration because it was the top of the sin. She accepted this frustration. He is aware that he was frustrated too but penetration was his boundary. No comment!

Afterwards i thought of creating a dictionary about the definition of having sex written by H babies.I can fill thousands of pages…
To end, i just read an interview of what we call OTD, i love his reply to this question:
'What do you miss most about being frum? 

The self-assuredness. Having all the answers. Knowing that Hashem is smiling down on you, and everything you do has a higher purpose. Knowing that you’re one of the chosen few, and that you’re better than everyone else in the world. Living in that bubble is very comforting. It’s all baloney, but it’s very comforting.'