A weird explanation of the Holocaust

By a Russian man, in his early fifties, born in Russia, arrived in USA when he was 26.
His second wife is Russian too and got converted in the last three years.
He asked me questions like a rabbi: why do i feel, my Jewish relatives, blood, what i knew about Judaism… To become or to be Jewish is not only to be but to practice, to follow the Jewish rules… according to him. To become a Jew is a lot of work, i agree. I am working on that, slowly, to understand who i am and where i am going.
He said that he forgot G-d at a moment in his life, and he was into trouble, and punished.
"If i am your father and you are my daughter. If you forget about me, i will forget about you. That's the same with G-d. It's written in the Torah. If you forget G-d, you will be punished."
Then, his explanation of the Shoah. "The Jews in Germany forgot about G-d, sent their children to public school… And G-d said in the Torah: "For one man killed, ten should die. For one hundred, one thousand…". G-d punished them not to listen to Him."
He gave me cold sweats: "Do you think that Jews deserved a punishment like the Holocaust?"
"Yes, he replied. They sinned. That's in the Torah!"
I stopped saying something, i didn't even try to argue. I can't hear that, sorry! I let him in his delirium tremens.
Then he went back with his wife. She bought non Kosher food for him! Put in order your own house!

My Jewish week-end

It starts with a Shabbos service at the Congregation where i start my conversion, but i am not going to get converted there. 4 months are too short and i need time and time, maybe years, to understand what it's going on in my heart and soul.
There was a bat mitzvah, not mine, not yet! :-)
My rabbi sings very well and he has a beautiful voice. Wishing he won't sing Shlomo songs, avoiding me to melt on the bench for my first introduction in this beautiful synagogue. I tried to sing too in Hebrew, i mean, i whispered, i am too bashful.
Compares to Catholic services which are so boring, Jewish services are lot of joy. No phone, nothing, just to be here, listening the words that i don't understand. I won't say that it's as relaxing as floating in the Dead Sea. But i am dreaming of a Shabbos service there, reading a waterproof Torah, with a rabbi in swimsuit, playing guitar. :-)
Someone interested to join me in the salty water? We can make it happen here in NY too! :-)
I am trying to contact a French rabbi who used to be one in London, because i would like to keep on going this conversion in Paris, and in English. And why not to end it in Israel.
I have books to read to finish my mental puzzle, to meet up Jewish communities in other countries, and see how i feel comfortable. A sort of silk road!

I was working on Sunday, and i met a Finnish Jewish woman who was so nice. She lives in USA, in Minnesota, since a long time. We talked during 2 or 3 hours about WWII, she is a child of survivors.
She reminded me my mom, same color of hair, but not the same color of eyes. She said 'gray' taking off her sunglasses. She had a very warm face, she didn't have a Finnish face like you can see it in the movies by Aki Kaurismäki, one of my favorite filmmaker.
The first movie i watched by him was La Vie de Bohème* (*The Bohemian Life)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4AApouidf0
His actress, Kati Outinen, who played in most of his movies, has a typical Finnish face. She plays in one of his last movie. Sorry, it's in French because he shot some of his movies in France.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9M8_VILjGQ
I enjoy his stories, cinematography, set design and also his sense of humor. Terrific! :-)
I can teach you the language of Molière if you want! ;-)
This woman was full of grace and kindness. My European soul was totally pleased and she is Jewish.
She keeps Kosher. Her husband is upset because 2 of her 4 children live with non-Jewish lover.
She is more flexible. She wants her children happy in any arms, Jewish or not.
Then, her daughter arrives and her face was enlightened. I realized that i missed a lot my mom cuddles and her food. :-)
I saw her this morning, on her way to see her grand-son!
She didn't know Kaurismäki, but that's fine, she doesn't live in Finland anymore. She is going there often. She speaks Finnish, English and Hebrew. Some of her children speak French too.

Just before i met this delightful woman, another American Jewish woman that i know, came by. She teaches Human Rights. She used to live in Berlin. She understands Yiddish but doesn't really speak it. She knows some of my Hasidic hang outs, and she met one of them in my work place, one day. We talked about Thursday Night Chulent where i always wanted to come by but…
She is going soon to Berlin for a week, then to Auschwitz with students. She has been there in the 90s like me. I found her brave to get back there because, once was enough for me. Apparently Auschwitz has changed. But even that, the history of this place didn't change and will never change unfortunately.
She said that the Polish culture is very tied to the Jewish culture compares to German culture. There is a  Jewish Festival next June.
http://www.jewishfestival.pl/index,en.html
When i was in the ancient ghetto in Warsaw and Krakow, it missed all these Willy people. That was sad and empty. The market place had a few vendors. It was like the dark clouds of the war were close. Scary!

Yesterday, i traded some emails with my king, and he made me cry, with this sentence:
"Will you still know me when you are back in your own world?"
I am already in my own world. As you know, we never meet, and will never meet. He is too scared and shy. :-)
Thanks, my king, i had a vampire eye and i was working! :-)
One of his best compliments was that i was his sister and that now he can say that we share the same G-d or G-dess. :-)
Hope that you have understood that you will always have a place in my heart wherever i am in this world. I have some plans to be a sardine lying on a beach in Ecuador, looking after goats in Pakistan, driving a sherut in Yerushalayim without a driving license… Will you come with me? :-)

Then, a Jewish man who lives in Connecticut, came by. He is the boyfriend of one of my clients. He has Lithuanian descendants like me. Yippee!

Ah, all these Jewish vibes, i take them. I want a bath of peyos too! :-)

For the French who voted for a fascist Europe last Sunday, shame on you, and this graffiti is for you! So much corruption amongst all the French politicians will lead us to a fascist country.

Probably in Paris ©2014 all rights reserved

"Without music…

life would be a mistake" —Frederich Nietzsche
My rabbi is a cantor, and i have a good feeling with him!
His office is a cozy place with books and old LP's. I am a collector of LP's. ;-)
So,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2gHt-U1eSg
Which one? Atheism? Only G-dess knows!
I told him about the two books that i am reading and my current Jewish path…

Hasidism is not an artistic project but a personal request from my heart and soul.
The creation, whatever the medium, is just a way to express my feelings and emotions.
My drafts and sketches are in my mental box. Such a huge work before giving birth to an artistic project! If so…
Shabbat shalom!

in the rabbi's office, ©emmarubinstein

Si vis pacem, para bellum*

*to have shalom, prepare for war

7 years of Latin, i am bad with this language that i have always hated. My mom thought that it will be good to improve my French! Que nenni!* (*pigs might fly!)

Weird and amazing day!

Nothing to do with Hasidism in a concrete way! But a big feeling that some wars i was into lately, are coming to an end.

This morning, i started the day by breaking glass. I am not clumsy but today, it had to start like that.

According to some countries, for example, Korea, to break glass is bad luck. In my country, to break it is a sign of happiness and money. 

Money makes me vomit, i.e. the obsession of money in NY, this pathology makes me vomit.

As De Gaulle used to say: "we have won a battle, not the war."

I won a battle today against my landlord for my retail space. I wanted to shut down my business for clients, end of June. He wants me to leave June 1rst.

I am happy about that, but 11 days to get rid of all my stuffs is not impossible but almost impossible.

And the other big issue was the refund of my security deposit. 

He knows that i am a big fighter, and i am not scared of going to the court. Anyway!

I have been more than firm: keys against cashier check of my security after my agreement concerning the amount. I had the balance today, and of course, i will protest! :-)

And on my way home, i wanted to scream, because i felt relieved that things moved in the way i wanted and i will focus on my other project soon: my third life.

After Paris, NY, and now Israel…

I will be shocked, as a Parisian friend said to me lately, when i will be back in Paris, but… i will be fine too!

How it will be without seeing squirrels, peyos men around me all the time?

I came here to set up a business in a field i never worked in before. 

I used to work for movie industry as graphic designer in France during many years. I worked with a set designer on movies too and, i made the decoration of my work place. I have to say goodbye to a part of this decoration soon, but yes, i will be fine, and i will cry for sure.

I used to be one of the first hip hop DJ female, but i didn't want to be a celebrity. I can't stand that!

I used to spend times in Cannes Festival, watching movies during the day, and partying at night with some famous people. You want gossips? No way! :-)

I am happy because this year, 6 or 7 Israeli movies have been selected in the other parallel sections than the Official and mainly by female filmmakers.

In 4 months, i will pack all my Jewish and secular books, my cat, laptops… and start a new life…

But before leaving, i will dive in a peyos sea, and finish what i started here. Boro Park, Kyrias Joel, Crown Heights and Willy, i will stroll in your streets.

I will give many things to my Hasidic female friend, she doesn't have a lot of money…

Tomorrow morning, i have a meeting with another rabbi from the same congregation and i will see if i can deal with him a conversion in 4 months. I didn't want to talk about my decision by email, i prefer to say things in person. I don't want to deal either this conversion in a business way. It's more than that.

I hate when Hasidim say that i have an obsession with them, i just have a fascination. What i will do with what i already have since 3 years and will have during these last 4 months? Book, movie… Who cares? I don't care. 

Because i don't have the structure yet. It will come out to my mind naturally, i already have some ideas and if it has to be published, seen… i will stay anonymous by respect for them. Too much public presentations can kill the credibility. If it takes 10, 20 years or more… that's fine…

That's very complicated because this Jewish path that i am taking is so personal. I enjoy all the Hasidic stories i heard, but i don't enjoy the phenomena of belonging to a group…, like one of Hasidim, ex Hasidim… I read, listen what they all have to say… I understand their need to be together to be understood better… but that's not me.

10 years ago, i used to hang out with the same group of friends. I realized that i was in a closed circle. Hard to explain to them that i was growing up when they were in a sort of regression to do always the same things. I was tired of their judgments each time a new person was introduced to the group.

I felt so bad that i decided to 'quit' this group. The invoice was expensive: some chose my side, some chose the side of the chef of the group, some did not make choices… 

Just after that, i have been in Israel for a week, and i moved on…

10 years later, i am in Brooklyn, and i will leave it soon, for ever…

I don't want to have a green card or be American, i don't feel it…

I am not a person for this city, and this country…

I came here with 2 suitcases, and i left all my things from my roots in a storage in Paris. I learn to live in a minimalist way. That was not easy for a collector like i am, but i am still fine… :-)

My pursuit of my Jewishness exploded in my face, and that's a success for me. A large part of the money i have invested will be lost but humanistically, my pockets and my heart account are full and rich. I did different Hasidic things, but i prefer to meet them alone, not in a group. Or in a group every blue moon. The six degrees of separation are so narrow in the Hasidic world that it's very hard to remain anonymous. 

I wanted to go to the Yiddish farm to have a look, but i can't. I can't be in a group where i am pretty sure, i will meet some guys that i already know. 

And the second issue is the animals. They will fire me asap when they will find out that i opened all the cages, during the night, to make them free, to avoid them to be killed. Animals feel when you will come and kill them.

Haven't you ever heard a pig screaming before its death? No, indeed, you keep Kosher! :-)

I am a solitary person who has closed friends.

Today, a Hasidic friend of mine met the same bad person. And i was 'happy' not to be the only one to have been treated so badly. I didn't know if i have been treated because i am a gentile or a female gentile. But apparently, this person treats people from the H community the same way. This person is bad all around!

And i met online so far: my king, and the stranger who sent me this book and who doesn't even live here… that's just beautiful and makes me cry sometimes… :-)

And G., the Jewish who comes everyday to tell me: 'It sucks that you go back to France, that you go in Israel. Israeli are horrible…"

Yes i will be fine…

crown heights, september 2012, ©emmarubinstein

crown heights, september 2012, ©emmarubinstein

crown heights, september 2012, ©emmarubinstein

Hasidic charity

My king, do you remember this conversation? We had our first big argument by email, about the charity!

But first, yesterday, i was closing my work place when a Hasidic young man arrived in a sort of panic and asked me something that i couldn't provide. He was shy and scared of being seen with a shiksa.
Because when a Hasidic is in my place, i 'jump' on him to ask him many questions. :-)
His peyos were like the princess Leila's* hair (*Star Wars trilogy): rolled like macaroons. They were not so big and they were above his ears.

©all rights reserved

First questions were if he was Hasidic and married. Yes and no. I asked for his name, and according to it, he comes from a strict sect. Bingo!
"Why aren't you married if you come from this sect?". "Soon, soon. I am waiting for the good one."
I don't know how old he was. The beard makes them older. He has a face which likes spanks but he might be a virgin! He was a bit uptight! :-)
I tried to make him comfortable and i showed him the Yiddish magnets, talked about my Hasidic friends… His look changed but he was still bashful! Relax baby, i am not going to rape you! :-)
He said that he will come back, and he asked me if i had a pushka. I don't have, but i have a cleavage! :-)
I didn't say that indeed, because he was too wild and frightened. I told him that we have a tip jar.
Let's see if he will be brave to come back and converse with me. I don't think so! He left with a smile on his face because i joked with him!
What i am supposed to do with the money he gave me? I can't spend it, i am superstitious. I will keep it and put it in another pushka soon. That's ok my king? :-)

Why did i argue about charity with my king?
Charity is usually a business and it's more obvious in USA. I had a conversation with a friend who works in the U.N., and she confirmed the 'charity business'. She is French, her father is muslim, so she is muslim according to the Koran. She had a Jewish boyfriend during 7 years in France!
So get away all these clichés that all the muslims hate Jews, that's not true!
She is a young woman who always worked in countries in conflict. She took a lot of risks in Ex Yugoslavia. She arrived in Lybia, 3 days after the death of Kadhafi. She has seen lots of drama with the people of all these countries. So i said respect for her and, for some who tried to make things peaceful. They are not perfect but at least, they try to do something to make the world easier to live.

The argument came out because i was saying to my king that i don't give money to charity organizations but i give my time, my knowledge, whatever, except money.
So we had a big misunderstanding because my king thought that i said that giving money was a kind of useless thing.
We said in French that the charity starts at your door first. For example, some people gave a lot of money to charity organizations, and spit on the homeless person sitting in front of their building.

He explained me how it works in the Hasidic community like the Hatzolah… And indeed they need money to do this kind of voluntary service. I agree but i see the things differently.
In France, there was a big scandal with an charity organization called ARC, in 2000. The President and founder of this organization, Jacques Crozemarie, has been sued for misappropriation of funds. He had to go to jail for 4 years and had a fine of 381 000 euros and 30.5 millions for damages. He used the money to build his swimming-pool… The organization still exists and its reputation is better now.

I had a conversation with an intern whose the parents work for charity organization. She explained me how it works with the money. If you give $10, $2 go for the work of the organization and the rest is for the fees, stationary and charges.
About all the money which has been done for the tsunami in Thailand, it hasn't been actually used… Where is this money now?
I am just cautious with the money to charity organizations.

When i chose to live here, i decided to be volunteer for a couple of organizations. That's the best way to see how it works, to improve my bad English…
There is one that i liked a lot. This organization asks people from all over the world to give workshops to children and teenagers in school in the different boroughs. This children are too poor to travel so, you come to them with your culture from your country to make them travel.
I have been in a high school junior in the Bronx, and an elementary school in Harlem. They were very receptive, enthusiastic… such a pleasure to share something with them which was not the money pathology of this city.
Below, some artworks made with them. First one was about the Calligrams by Guillaume Apollinaire (11 years old), and the second one the cut-outs papers by Henri Matisse (8 years old). I received 13 hugs in the same time. Better than money? Oh yes!
What about Hasidic workshops in these schools to share your Yiddish culture? :-)
I will come with you whenever you want! :-)
I am sure that kids will love to play with your peyos. Come on, don't be coy! :-)

Lag B'amer

Do you know this series Strictly Kosher? It's a series about the Jews in Manchester, England.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHoWz9IzCnU
The Jewish man with long hair says that the two important things for the Jews is food and clothing. :-)
We have no excuses to enjoy Jewish company around a table! Let's sit with them!
This week-end was another excuse to eat, eat and eat. I admire the staying power to swallow all this food. :-)

I was focused on going to the Parade in Crown Heights after work, knowing that it might be too late!
The French are always late? Who said that and why? :-)
According to Hasidim, the Jews are worse than my people, so i let you imagine how late will be a French Jew! :-)
When i arrived at New York ave, it was like nothing happened this afternoon. Nobody was there to welcome the French lady? The only inhabitants were the plastic bathrooms along Eastern Parkway.
I think i actually missed the Parade. I wished i could see some parade-rs in the street. Everybody was probably at home to have food and rest!
Next year in Yerushalayim!

Messiah is on his/her way! ©emmarubinstein, 2014 

What is it this mess? Do you think that Messiah will appreciate that? ©emmarubinstein, 2014

But the good thing of the day was the pack that was waiting for me at my work place.
And it was a book sent by a nearly stranger from another continent! We traded emails and chatted a little since 3, 4 months. I hope that we can talk soon on the phone or in person. My backpack is always ready for a new trip around the world!
I enjoy this kind of surprise, and also a gift which is for my Jewish soul! A book by a rabbi, rabbi Jonathan Sacks.
Thanks to him to have sent me this book, that means a lot to me! That's very nice! To receive it in NY is like a miracle in this very selfish and individualist city! :-)


I started to read some pages and one paragraph caught my attention. I was surprised by his association of French Revolution with the Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union and Communist China as the most dangerous godless society, 'four terrifying experiments'.

What's wrong with the French Revolution? I don't see this historical event as a godless one. And to be associated with the Nazi Germany upsets me. Hitler chose the Jewish people but it could be another people because he wanted a strong Germany which had been weakened by the Treaty of Versailles. Jews became his scape-goats when he decided to clean up Europe in the name of a pure race namely the German race. For him, Germans were far superior to any other people. So yes, we can talk about a godless society for Nazi Germany.
I know that the reputation of the French is that we are always on strike. Not always but often! The French revolution was a good one to end the privileges of some monarchy and churches. It was the time where the state and the church were one.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Revolution
That's not a bad thing to separate the state from the church. There was lot of blood, but what can we expect from a revolution? A sort of Occupy Wall Street? No way!
I used to like their protests at the beginning. I have been to the Zuccotti Park to see what was this rebellion in Wall street. That was cat pee pee! (we use this expression to talk about the American coffee when it's light, very light!).
A rebellion or a revolution is good if after the protests, they offer solutions to change things.
But the Zuccotti rebels, lying on the floor, smoking weed 24/24, looked harmless. If they think that they will change the world with a blood pressure of a weed addict, i'd run the NY Marathon three times before they get stand up! Btw i hate to run and i don't smoke weed, so you know what i mean?
The Soviet Union and the Communist China may claim they are atheist but in person, they are not. I have been in China and they are believers in G-d. They spend time in temples, they burn, incense sticks in temples and streets…
The Russians are Orthodox, but i have never been there so far.

The French Revolution was the time to proclaim the passage of the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen. What's wrong with that too?

I haven't finished to read the introduction.

I would like your thoughts, nice man from the other continent! :-)

the book from the other continent, thanks a lot!

Who has the phone number of G-d or G-ddess?

What's going on with the Jewish calendar this year?
I was checking the dates of Rosh Hashanah, and i saw that it starts at the end of September. Yom Kippur and Sukkot are in November.
I actually need to call G-d or G-ddess, and they have to change the dates.
If i follow my schedule, i will say goodbye forever to NY, end of September.
It means that i won't be available for dancing with the peyos boys from the different Yiddish areas of Brooklyn. They deserve some French spanks before i leave. :-)
I already have an appointment with the ladies of the Pupa shul since one year.
If G-d or G-ddess exists, he/she will change the dates for the French lady? How long should i wait for his/her phone call?
I don't have the right of cursing but it p**ed me off!

I can't find such a thing in Paris, like the dances on Kingston Ave. I am not sure to be accepted in a Parisian Hasidic shul as i have been accepted here.

Is these two persons have an assistant in the audience to help me? :-)

Thanks!

Roman Vishniac - The market in the main square in Lask (near Lodz), Poland 1937

"Haredi: The Ultra-Orthodox Society in Israel", documentary

I watched the first part only. I am looking forward to seeing the next ones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGJg1lHPPZw
As you know, my Jewish heart is turning to Yerushalayim like muslims turn to the Mecca to pray.
I met some Hasidic in Mea Sharim, but i didn't talk to them. The father of my friend took photos of them, and they yelled at him not to do it. I didn't take photos, i didn't have a spy camera yet. :-)
Walking in the streets of this area, i was wondering what kind of apartments it was inside this building breathing and sweating the poverty.
This documentary opens the doors…
The first Haredi doesn't want to talk about his personal life, but finally he decides to share childhood story. We are in Israel with a majority of Jews but, his parents were scared of who? Jewish people living across the streets? That seems weird! I am not really surprised because i felt the fear when i strolled.
He uses the word corruption, it's a bit much! What are the differences between a Haredi and a Jew? A lot: modesty, zionism…

I enjoy seeing lots of books in these houses. I love the living-room for books which becomes the boys' room at night and also the Shabbos room. That seems to be a tiny room with this beautiful wall of books. He talks about his wife who barely know the outside world and she is not curious about it. Sometimes, it's hard to believe it. They live in a religious state. There is not a separation between the 'shul' and the government. But there is because the rebbe is not the President of the state. I understand their obsession of being a Jew in a 'perfect' holy way! But we are on the Holy Land!

The heart has its reasons, which the reason does not know.
What about the religious reason? The last woman talks about her desire to go to University to study psychology but her husband and father had decided that her destiny will be on another path. No comments! :-)

Hasidic maturity

I wrote a 'positive' title. Why? Because!
According to Wikipedia, the psychological definition is very interesting:

"In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctive. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in.^[1] Adult development and maturity theories include the purpose in life concept, in which maturity emphasizes a clear comprehension of life's purpose, directedness, and intentionality, which contributes to the feeling that life is meaningful.^[2]

The status of maturity is distinguished by the shift away from reliance on guardianship and the oversight of an adult in decision-making acts. Maturity has different definitions across legal, social, religious, political, sexual, emotional, and intellectual contexts. The age or qualities assigned for each of these contexts are tied to culturally-significant indicators of independence that often vary as a result of social sentiments. The concept of psychological maturity has implications across both legal and social contexts, while a combination of political activism and scientific evidence continue to reshape and qualify its definition. Because of these factors, the notion and definition of maturity and immaturity is somewhat subjective." 

The second paragraphe drew my attention particularly.
"Maturity has different definitions across legal, social, religious, political, sexual, emotional, and intellectual contexts."
In the Hasidic/Jewish world, bar-mitzvah and bat-mitzvah is the beginning of puberty.
Have you noticed that for the girls, it's one year earlier than the boys? Why?
We say that girls are mature earlier than boys.
The meaning of this "include moral responsibility for own actions…" (© Wikipedia).
Girls start to have boobs and boys some poils au kiki/zizi* (*hair on your penis). :-)
Anatomically speaking, hair is around your wooden stick. But ver veys, with all the Kosher GMO in this country what it will happen with your hair or mister P.? :-)

The Hasidim are supposed to get married between 18 and 22 like the very old generations.  Except that the old generations passed away earlier. In this modern world, who wants to get married and to have kids so early? My H babies. :-)
I stopped talking to very young Hasidim. They persisted "I am very mature!". They were between 19 and 22 years old. Come on little young men!
I tried sometimes, but it was boring! They wanted to discover the outside world and they didn't know where to start. To discover the world, that's not only words on a screen, it means to live some experiences but they are tied to their religious life and the fear of the unknown. If it happens something bad, there will be nobody to help them! They will be shamed…!
I talked with someone lately. He is in his mid-thirties. He decided to open his window to the secular world. He gave me his real name… I explained to him not to do that. I can't call that immaturity according to his cultural and religious background, but ignorance. But he will may have an immature protection to defend himself. This is the gap between them and me.
According to some laws and culture here, my behavior might be seen immature. The French curse a lot, and i curse because i am fiery. :-) No worries, i don't have fiery crisis everyday. I can be very zen!
My recipe is to think of my future projects, and it makes me serene.
To go and live in a war country might make me help to find this shalom: 'Make love, not war!'.

The non acceptance of a 'no' make Hasidim very immature. I had to explain that i am not all the time available. I had to deal with their crisis of abandon. :-)

"The concept of psychological maturity has implications across both legal and social contexts, while a combination of political activism and scientific evidence continue to reshape and qualify its definition. Because of these factors, the notion and definition of maturity and immaturity is somewhat subjective."
I totally agree. What some Hasidim said to me, they might think that in their community, that's something obvious, when i judge that as immature.
What helped me to grow up? Culture and life experiences, travels… But i admit that i can be very childlike, it relaxes me!

Maybe it's time for me to do my bat-mitzvah: Aliyah to the Torah and also Aliyah to the holy land.
Who wants to bless my tushas? :-)
"G-ddess helps those who help themselves!".

Nalewski Street in Warsaw Jewish quarter, 1934 © Willem van de Poll

A song for a Sunday night

He is English, he is famous since the 80s. I always loved this guy, not all his songs.
But this one made him famous and i fell for it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nXGPZaTKik
For many of you, you were not born, or didn't have yet hair on your b**** when this song was on my record deck! :-)
Why does he look like a woman? His mother wanted a girl, and he was born a boy. So she dressed up like a girl!
Why do i love him? He is smart and funny… Follow him on Twitter.
He has an amazing voice.
I forgot all the details of this video. But watch out!

He has a shirt with Hebrew letters, so i love him more.

He has dreads but why could i not say that he has reggae peyos! Yes, why not?
This song is perfect for all the H who hurt me deliberately! :-)
No hard feelings!
Will you love him? Not yet?
So, now, you close your eyes, and you listen to his beautiful voice singing about love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YPKUlNvTww
Special dedication to rabbi Shmuley Boteach! Everything is about love! Without love, we are nothing or a chickpea rolling from a hill to water! And we dive!
French bisous! ;-)

If G-d was a G-ddess…

… how would the world be? Better or worse.
The Hasidic men i met were all macho. That's the culture of all religions where the women are the weaker sex.
I like a man who acts manly, but i love his feminine side. And it also means that the feminine side is to show the Emotions. And, that's not easy. I already elaborated about the Hasidic emotions. So you know what i think about that.
When i was a toddler, my mom complained about architects who were male in majority. Why, the women used to become desperate housewives in their kitchen?
The men worked to support their family. Architect males were not very good to organize a kitchen for a lady who likes cooking.
Things have changed. Men cook!

If a G-ddess wrote the Torah, how will be the 10 commandments? Sorry the 613 commandments. The 10 are just categories.
Let's talk about the 10…
1_ Belief in G-ddess!
I like it
2_ Prohibition of improper worship: "You shall not have other G-ddesses…"
I like it better.
3_ Prohibition of oaths
Don't call me G-ddess, i don't deserve it, i am not wise enough…
4_ Observance of sacred times
I voted 5774 times for having Shabbos every week, holidays to rest & to have fun…
5_ Respect for parents and teachers
That seems obvious !
I noticed that macho men have more respect for their mother than for their wife. The mother is sacred.
And i don't talk about the non respect for shiksa if you don't follow their rules, desires, orders… I hate you! :-)
6_Prohibition of physically harming a person
G-d or G-ddess, no comments
7_ Prohibition of sexual immorality.
Ah ah ah. According to The Torah For Dummies, men were allowed to be polygamist.
This commandment was for women only. Kidding?
Then, it became a commandment for both sexes. I feel better.
If G-d was a G-ddess, it will be only for men, and the G-ddess will never change it! Well really!
The man is entitled to have many women in his bed, when women need to wait for them. No way!
Who is the weaker flesh? Eh? Come on!
I vote for a G-ddess!
8_ Prohibition of theft
9_ Prohibition of harming a person through speech
We are human beings who are trying to survive in the jungle of life. All is fair in love and war! Sometimes…
10_ Prohibition of coveting.
Do you think that everything is enviable in your neighbor's house? His wife, her husband, her donkey…?
Probably yes, if you didn't make the good choices, probably not if you make your own choices and you take their responsibility. Do you feel envy and/or jealousy sometimes?
I have never been a person who has envy for the others' lives. I made good and bad choices, and i have paid the price. The next invoices are still on the tables for the coming years.
I like a mental and intellectual stability, and a geographical instability. I hope that Israel will help me to find a geographical shalom and put my luggages definitively on a land where i can stay more than 3 and half years.

I have never been jealous till one of my ex boyfriend did everything to make me jealous a lot! I was scared of having wake this feeling up. I was sick of feeling it deeply when i was with him. I left him.
I tested myself later with other men that i used to like a lot. I am healing better and better.
How to make a woman jealous: talk about your ex, or other girls around you… Some do it deliberately to test us, or they just have no tact…
Many Hasidim have no tact… I don't pay attention that much… They need to have confidence in their power of seduction. Take it as it is, and leave it as it is… It means that there is something wrong which is hidden or not admitted by themselves. Move on!

The representation of G-d is a man with a beard. How will be the G-ddess? A bearded woman? So much fun. I like having moustache sometimes. I enjoy caressing my lips with my hair. Why not having a moustache? I am kidding. Have a look to the photo below! Don't you like the moustache of a fallen angel? :-)

Let's try to change the rules: show your feminine side and act like a G-ddess! And please keep your beard and moustache!