A photographer and, a song for…

… my king…
Don't take it like a declaration of love, but i love this song, this version, and it's just for you, ziseh neshomeh… :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=516ZUtOeWMg

And a photographer that i found out on Instagram today: Ziv Koren.
He likes Sebastião Salgado like me. He is photo-journalist, so it means he takes pictures of armed conflicts.
I am not going to post the photos of war because it's Shabbos soon.
You can check all his photos on his website:
http://www.zivkoren.com/#/.%20Home

It seems that some of them are a composition and, provocative. :-)

©Ziv Koren 

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

Holocaust Memorial, Berlin, ©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

Holocaust Memorial, Berlin ©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

©Ziv Koren

Rabbi Lazer Brody

That's exactly what i needed to hear lately.
"If the Torah makes you think you are better than any other human on earth, you haven't learnt Torah."
I googled the name of this rabbi and found he is Hasidic with fancy peyos.
He seems famous in the Hasidic sphere.
I will need to buy a new memory card for my brain to remember all the Jewish things i have to learn.
He seems the 'specialist' of emuna. What's that?
Wikipedia explains it, and it's very elaborated.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emuna
One paragraphe caught my attention:
'God's relationship to man: Judaism's focus is more on how God defines man than one trying to define God. There is therefore a focus on what people are expected to be or do far more than a spelling out theological beliefs.' It raises concerns.
Maybe it's time for me to stop wondering too many questions and to live my Jewishness to the full.
I am not going to study the Torah to be better but to feel better with my Jewishness. There are bad and good persons in this world. Even if i keep believing that there is something good in each person, i wasted too much time to find it when the bad was already done, and that hurt me a lot.

Yesterday, i had a stupid argument with a Hasidic in his mid-thirties who went to College… The discussion was about Antisemitism. He asked me if there was antisemitism in France. There is a misnomer with this word. And in France, we have different semites population, namely Jews and Arabs. Yes, we have antisemitism actions against Jews, Arabs, Arabs against Jews…

His reply was particularly virulent. I know he is not that kind of open-minded person, and i have some boundaries when someone attacks me. He guessed i might be offended by him because i stop emailing. I was not in the mood to argue endlessly for hearing the same story: to accuse me of supporting the massacres of Jews when i am a grand-child and child of hidden survivors. And he knows it by heart.
I was just talking to him about the definition of Antisemitism, not taking side for one more than another one. I was not able to tell him he was not tolerant, because some definitions are totally a cultural understanding. To be tolerant and open-minded don't only mean to talk to gentiles, smile at them… and then to fight like cat and dog because he is not able to listen to me when i read an encyclopedia. Even if i might be wrong, i don't deserve to be judged so badly.

To study the Torah might help me to understand Hasidism and why many of them i met, permitted themselves to treat me that way too. The non Hasidim, but Jewish persons, i had conversation about Hasidim, told me the same thing: they don't like them because Hasidim always find an excuse to behave and act badly. It's like a duty of bad behavior. I am not a specialist, and once again i can't talk in broader terms. I met exception, like my king who is always puzzled when i told him my Hasidic woes. ;-)

I think, my king, that you are one of the 7 wonders of the world.

Hirszenbergs Golus Exile

Jean-Paul Gaultier

Do you remember this French fashion designer whose i already talked about?
I posted videos of his fashion show inspired by rabbi style, but it was more Hasidic style.
The exhibition ends this Sunday, so hurry up. Tomorrow, you can't spend money because this exhibition costs $15, so go on Sunday…
I have been there yesterday night to see his creations and i was curious if his Hasidic collection was on display.
He heard my Crown Height-er heart…
His other creations are beautiful, very sexy… and elegant.
He enjoys red color and fishnet… like me! :-)

My Jewish evening

After a painful morning for various reasons, i decided to go to the place to the Jewish baby who has a crush on me. His girlfriend was in Vermont.
He is persistent since she is away, to hang out with me or to come in his place to show me his creations.
He is a mensch and he can keep his libido on a leash.
He told me that another guest is attending. She lives in his building and i know her. She is from ex-Yougoslavia but she has been raised in Italy. I enjoyed listening to her Italian singing accent, when she told me she enjoys listening to the accent of Gérard Depardieu when he speaks English. I like this woman for her European soul and her dream: she wants to immigrate in South Africa where she has never been. She wants to buy a house along the beach. I don't even know if she has friends there.
She is tired of the NY dating scene, the inhumanity, food, quality of life… I totally agree, because i am in the same state of mind.
Things are clearer and clearer in my mind day by day: i have to move out soon.
And first and foremost, i need organization in my professional and personal life. That sounds like a plan, but i need if i do another big jump.

G. and I knocked at her door, she was not there. I know that she has a bunch of cats, but we just heard the dogs barking. So, back to his place.
As i already told you he is a hoarder. I expected more mess, but it was fine, we could move in the corridor and other rooms. I don't like sanitized apartment, it stresses me. You don't know what to do with your body, i can't breath. I enjoy collectors like i am. He has lots of books and i like readers…
He showed me his mezuza that i kissed. :-)
In the living-room, he showed me his creative space. How can i say? It was a mountain of packs and other stuffs accumulated in a large corner of the room. :-)
I was laughing!

He showed me his bedroom and told: "This is where the magic happens!". The room was not too messy. If you are not a collector or messy, you have to know that people like G. and me we have our own organization of our mess. If you touch it, you disturb us a lot! :-)
I asked him for seeing his tefillin, promising not to touch it except if he allows me to do it.
He said he is able to show it to me during daytime. Tefillins don't live a vampire life like Hasidim? Pffff!

Then, G. decided to transform the living-room in a G-araoke show!
He sings pretty well, and didn't ask me if i wanted to sing. He is very egocentric but he actually likes helping people. He sings soft songs like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgsdblVq8wo
I enjoy watching people singing, music drives me crazy, and it helps me a lot when i am down. Music comes from the heart.
After Dylan, Van Morrison, and the Boss…
I asked personal questions.
He is cultured, and intellectual, and despite his egocentrism, i know i can have intellectual conversation with him.
He looks like someone who traveled. 'I travelled in my mind.' I was surprised a little. He asks questions about countries where i used to live or travel, instead of uttering a stream of clichés like 'The french don't shave'… :-)
We shave!
He doesn't have kids and doesn't want. He is a kid, so he can enjoy his own childlike company.

Last time, G. came to my work place, he came with a friend, a rabbi.
He looked like a rabbi but i wasn't sure if it was a joke. He already introduced me friends as rabbis, and they were not finally.
So i asked the man if he was one of them, he was.
Now, i am teasing G. with this rabbi because he is very cute, but married! :-)
G. replied all the time: 'I am cute too.' or 'I think i am cuter than him.' I shut my mouth because yes he is a good-looking man, Jewish but such a baby and he has a girlfriend. No way!
I don't make comparison between men and their sexual attributes. Guys, Hasidic or not, stop asking me if your penis is cute, small, big… I never reply to this question. In French, we say that it's better to have a small one hard-worker than a lazy big one. Capito? :-)

He knows that i want to move in Israel soon. It's probably better for me to get converted than to ask my father for filling papers to prove my Jewishness. I feel a new drama whose i don't need right now.
But it also means to lie to the rabbi because of my non-belief in D-g. G. warned me that the rabbi will turn me down and away many times, and he will challenge me. I am fine with challenge and before he turns me down, i need to talk to the rabbi. Rabbi, you have to know one thing: i don't give up easily, i am very determined in my choices. :-)
And i have to think of what kind of conversion i want. G. thinks that a conservative is better than a Reform or Orthodox… In my country, the conversion lasts 7 years, here the simplest one is 2 years if i am a good student… :-)
Is the main reason to be Jewish is a belief in D-g? I don't think so, Jewishness is more than a religion…
I was born half-Jewish, felt deeply Jewish since i am toddler… So let's see what the rabbi will tell me…
I met 2 people here who feel Jewish, speak Hebrew, study Hebrew without getting converted… And they believe in D-g.
The introduction of my non belief in D-g to the rabbi might be different: instead of saying i don't believe in D-g, i can say i don't know if i believe in D-g because what i feel, i can't express it with words and in English. "Do you speak French?" :-)
I don't feel that it's the act to get converted will be for bad reasons, i believe in Judaism, Jewishness, my Jewish roots and blood…
G. told me that there is a ceremony of graduation of the conversion… Oh la la, i hate to be on a stage like in an aquarium. I am very shy and i will have a loss of voice.
G. insisted that i actually think about my choice of conversion, depending on what i want to do in Israel. If i want to open a Kosher restaurant, the level is higher: no way to open a restaurant!

Before i left, he showed me his tefillins finally! He has 4. One is from his father who passed away a long time: "I might bury it now, it's Kosher". I wanted to see them better but he refuses to wake the tefillins up at night like vampires during the day. He will bring it to my work place.

He walked with me during 2 blocks on my way home. I enjoy walking at night when everything is quiet. He was a real gentleman, offering his hand to cross the streets on the ice. Voilà, funny Jewish evening, i slept like a baby!

last snow in Crown Heights ©emmarubinstein

What is a soul?

Good question indeed!
Why soul music? Is Gospel soul music…?
A soul remains eternal, it never dies. Gogol wrote a book called Dead Souls. I read it. I remember nothing about this book. I had to Google it. No more souvenirs. I was not probably in the mood, it didn't catch my attention that much. The speech about this book on Wikipedia seems very interesting indeed: a story about a main character as i like.
I am more into Dostojevski, more into drama literature. My favorite books are The Idiot and Crime and Punishment. In German literature, i love a book written by Alfred Döblin Berlin Alexanderplatz, adapted later by Fassbinder in a mini-series of 14 hours.
In these books, you touch and feel the soul of the characters. They are not Jewish. :-(

This question asked by a Yid, as he calls himself. He lives abroad.
So, what is the soul in Judaism?
He sent me what Aryeh Kaplan said "The soul could be in Heaven and operating our bodies by remote control like in surrogates." Just this sentence is very complicated to understand for me. :-)
I bought his book Jewish Meditation, i didn't start yet!
And he pasted what Wikipedia said:
"Kabbalah separates the soul into five elements corresponding to the 5 worlds:
- Neplesh, related to natural instinct
- Ruach, related to emotion and morality
- Neshamah, related to intellect and the awareness of God
- Chayah, considered a part of God, as it were
- Yechidah, also termed the pintele Yid (the "essential [inner] Jew"). This aspect is essentially one with G-d."
I need Freud once again. I can agree with the natural instinct, emotion, morality, intellect… For the rest, i need more explanation… Or a belief in Dog…
He sent me a blessing for something very special. I don't want to post it because it's disgusting and it's time for lunch for this part of the world. In Judaism it seems to have a blessing for everything…
So far, human beings can have a Jewish soul, but the fifth point can make the difference if it's a Jewish soul or not.
He recommended me a book which seems very interesting The Great Partnership: Science, Religion, and the Search for Meaning by Jonathan Sacks.
Let's see if that book will clear my Jewish soul up.
I started to learn Hebrew and i am reading a book given by the Jewish baby in his 50s Letters of Light by Rabbi Aaron L. Raskin. I always liked the typography and if the letters have a sort of etymology, i like it more. That book is very interesting in many points. I never asked the question of the history of letters when i learned the Latin and Russian alphabet.

The Jewish baby called me to hang out because his girlfriend is skiing upstate, or to come in his hoarder apartment/gallery. I will hang out probably with him, but not in his place.
It will be a real show in the bar, and i will laugh a lot! :-)
He is very interesting, and has a knowledge of Judaism and European culture.

Do you remember the young Hasidic, the virgin one who wanted to hang out with me?
He changed his mind to be back to his religious life.
http://meshiksahasidicroots.blogspot.com/2013/12/emotions-back-to-devotion-love.html
He sent me texts two or three weeks ago: he made the big jump and slept with a girl.
I decided to not reply because he had been insulting with me. I don't blame him or hold a grudge. He apologized because he has understood he might have hurt me with his incisive words. Apologies accepted but i didn't want to have a conversation with him anymore. He has to live his life. I actually appreciated that he apologized. Bless you very young H baby! :-)

Hope is in red and blue balloons, 2004 Crown Heights, ©emmarubinstein

Mini Purim

Today is the Little Purim, and as you know, i enjoy this celebration, the one in a month.
And it's Friday!
When i was writing, the Jewish man of my Jewish dream came. He is an actor. He has a big ego and a big heart. He enjoys helping, but the Jewish man is very hard to handle. He talks a lot, and invades the space. It doesn't bother me because he is a good heart and don't brag about that. I like humility as you know!
He likes me a lot and he repeats it many times. I suspect that he has a crush on me. He tries different things like singing the song 'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir ?":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4LWIP7SAjY
You don't need a translation, everyone knows the meaning.
And my reply to him is 'no'.
He has a girlfriend, and he is also a child in his 50s, and i don't want to mother a man.
I am a fallen angel, and the 2nd person of Brooklyn that he likes a lot. There is a top 5 for him, but he couldn't tell me who were the other ladies of this top. But even 2nd in the top is too much pressure on me.
I take all the nice things he said to me as a joke because, we, as women, know that when we are nice and laugh with men, many of you imagine that we want to be in your bed.
I am very tactile with people i like, but i avoid to touch him.
He wants my number that i never gave him but he has the one of my work place. I sent him an email because he wanted to see my creations. He never read it, pretending that he was depressed, and he was scared of loving my work and… :-)
Yesterday he decided to shovel. Later he called me to google an artist who made paintings, and he made the collages of some of his paintings. I wanted him to come back to introduce him to a friend of mine who likes meeting new people. He was already in pajamas at 4pm. :-)
But if it was an emergency, he could dress up.
We joke a lot about Dog, and he has never been in Israel, my next destination of immigration probably.
Friday with a weather to whisper songs in the ears of your lovers in your the Hasidic bed next to yours.
Some songs i like:
Radiohead:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bJ9RxfgXqA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAPAZNnlmSc
Ultra Orange & Emmanuelle (she is Roman Polanski's wife), they sound like the Velvet Underground. Don't know them? That's your American culture! :-)
They are French.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t5JEn-TkH0
Smooth, a French band which was in my heart and ears when i decided to move in NY.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAxEa79nXT0

Jerusalem, 1994 ©emmarubinstein

Jerusalem, 1994 ©emmarubinstein

Dead Sea, Jordan from Masada, 1994 ©emmarubinstein

Dead Sea, Jordan from Masada, 1994 ©emmarubinstein

A Jewish dream

The other night, i had a Jewish dream. I have to hide identity of some of the protagonists of my dream, except that the dream took place in the apartment of my Jewish client who gave me gifts for Hannukah. The only persons i could see the faces were the men. Two women were living in the two bathrooms with all their mess.

I had a conversation with the client's girlfriend one day. I know he is a collector but he is also a hoarder. He is not able to throw things because it's too emotional for him. Sometimes, she throws things in his back.
I am a collector but i decided to calm me down. I wanted to buy a box, and put the things which can be useful for me. And each year, i can open it and check if i use these things or not.
I live here with few things, but it's already too much for my tiny room.
His girlfriend is ashamed of inviting people in their place.

In my dream, the dining-room was tidied up. It was a huge room with a high ceiling and no windows. The walls were painted in dark purple. The ambiance was cold and very dark.
Two people that i already met, two ex Hasidic men were with me. I asked them where the host was because he disappeared like Hasidim do it all the time. Someone said he was upstairs, having a nap. The apartment was like a house. There was a white shelf full of books and mess besides a door.
I had to leave.

When i opened my eyes, i wondered if i dreamed in English or not. Dreaming in a foreign language means that you are fluent in this language. Maybe it was Yiddish!

It's snowing cats and dogs in Brooklyn. The perfect weather to stay in bed and to have hirsute cuddles.
No? You don't like the snow? I enjoy it a lot. It inspires me for writing erotic poetry. :-)
Who wants to go sledding with me on my vintage wooden sled?
Come on peyos boys. I can use your peyos for the directions.

emma-on-a-sled, aix-en-provence, france ©emmarubinstein

Beard

I think hipsters are boring in their life. And they wear beards.
This hipster artist seems to have this smugness to have discovered something which will change the artistic world…
Having a look at his photos, i thought that it's Purim in a month. Maybe the Hasidim could play with their beards a little more than usual like to put mini Torah, Menorahs… in their beard.
What do you think?
I am not sure to have the desire to kiss your hirsute face with all this mess in it, though…
I keep the Q-tips beard, i enjoy washing my ears… The birthday candles could be useful if i forgot to buy Menorah candles. And the paper umbrellas, i always liked them…
The link to his Instagram: http://instagram.com/willitbeard
All photos: ©willitbeard.tumblr.com

Hasidic stalker

Have you already been harassed and/or stalked? That's never easy to explain the reasons why these people do that: either the fear to be abandoned or to make you pay their miserable life with their wife… or it's pathologic.

When cell phones arrived on the market, i was the last one amongst my friends to buy one. I couldn't stand that people called me to know where i was: i loooove my freedom… or to tell you: 'Achète une baguette'* (*'buy a baguette').

After 3 or 4 years, i bought one to avoid stalkers through my phone home, i was on the red list.

Then i knew harassment at work with my two ex bosses during 5 months. They wanted me to quit with no indemnities. I resisted and my vacation in Vietnam during 3 weeks made me serene when i got back at work. They intensified the pressure on me and as a Vietnamese geisha i looked at them and said: "Do you want more poisoned nems?".

They were exhausted by my shalom behavior, and they fired me finally.

I sued them, they lost. Miserable bosses!

And then again in NY, i worked with a French pastry chef and after one month i quit. This guy was stupid, harassed me and yelled at me in French. I yelled back too. I didn't leave my country to work with f***ing French assholes! He was so mad at me that he stopped the payment of my paycheck. I didn't sue him but Mother Nature did it for me!

And lately, a Hasidic man in his late 30s stalked me. We talked the first time more than one year ago and i didn't appreciate what he said about gays. He had mean comments sometimes and was also boring.

I enjoy witty Hasidic minds. 

The conversation stopped naturally.

The time went by and we talked again last month. He remembered many things about me. I had to check the old emails and that was not easy to find him. He uses different email addresses. But some clues helped me to find him. He likes that i don't give up with Hasidism and in life in general…

We had a simple argument which turned into a big electronic fight. 

I asked him to reply to my questions, but it was like a childlike game for him. 

It was worse when i didn't reply to his stupid questions within the 10 minutes.

And he admitted that he used 5 email addresses since the first time we talked to reply to my various posts. Wow! I am his second job in his life! Nothing to be proud!

I suspected that maybe we met once at my work place when i was doing the decoration. I don't think he will show up because i will be very nice and call H911 to make them handcuff his peyos! :-)

But he said he will keep on replying to my posts in the future. 

He starts the conversations 'nicely' and suddenly something sexually gross is sent by him.

Ok, that's fine! I am waiting for him! :-)

I don't know how you feel after a fight. I felt empty of energy and i need shalom in my blood and mind.

squirrels highway, crown heights, January 2014 ©emmarubinstein

Chasidic wedding, that's hip-hops!

Here we go: first Hasidic wedding with the Chabad community.
My first time at 770 was such an adventure.

I live at about one block from 770. I never put a step inside.
770 is like a microcosm of black hats all around like ants who go to work (pray) all the time. That's fascinating!
I was across the street, Eastern Parkway, and i heard a man singing. I am a total novice and i have the intuition it was a call for the wedding to go inside. I quickened my pace and went inside. A few ladies were there but i didn't see the friends of hers i knew. I went closer to the windows and saw all these men praying, studying. Where is the wedding?

I disturbed a young woman who was praying and explained her what i was looking for. She interrupted her prayer and came with me to show me the way. She asked for my name and introduced herself.
My adrenaline was very high, i was so excited by this event.
We were on our way to go outside when a woman asked me for coming to her. The young one told her i was going to the wedding. She was persistent and naively i went to her. I think she asked me for covering my hair and to look at the men downstairs.
I was in a Lubaba dimension like she tried to get converted me right away. I was out of space. She asked me in French if i was speaking English, if i was Jewish, which part…? I had to whisper. She was in a Lubaba delirium tremens with Dog alcohol. ;-)
She tried to get me in the muddle. She wanted to know the names of the bride and the groom. She pretended that the groom will come downstairs. I was very suspicious about what she was talking about. I got rid of her when i said the time of the wedding and now i was probably late. She decided to let me go after giving me the Moshiach Weekly magazine and the French business card of the 7 laws that i already had in English. I told her i will be back soon. Probably not in her section: i don't want her to drone on and on! :-)
On the French card, the Messiah is already here. So my question is: Hasidim what are you still doing on the US land and in Crown Heights?
In the 7 laws, they don't mention homosexuality like on the English one. Is there an issue of translation? I can help. :-)

The wedding had already started, thanks Lubaba Goddess! :-)
Let's go for a snowy wedding. In French, we say 'Mariage pluvieux (neigeux), mariage heureux !'* (*Rainy (snowy) wedding, lucky wedding!').
Mazel Tov!
I followed the flow to the Jewish Museum.
I wasn't not the only one to assist at a Hasidic wedding for the first time.
And also, the first good one because they chose each other, so love was in the air. :-)

The bride is back to the community, but she is such a rebel: no wig!

And she got married in the sin! She fights for her feminist rights, i like that a lot!

So let's dance with women! And also the bride! 

I asked her best friend if it was modesty dress code: yes! I needed to think, i don't really have modest clothes.

I found a dress which could work if i want to play it modest.

I didn't want to dress up in black so: purple dress, green tights and red shoes.

The women were very nice. I felt in their look that i was a sort of extraterrestrial! I am fine now, and if it awakes the curiosity, i am happy to reply to their interrogations.

The music was long songs, a mix of sephardi and Ashkenazi rhythms…

A great moment was when some played and danced some hip hop Yiddish songs.

I enjoyed the look of the old generations: "Vos iz dos?"

I had giggles a little!

And it was almost the end.

I recognized one guy i talked online with but we never met. He has very long peyos. He didn't know who i was. And i avoided to talk to him because of my accent! :-)

Bless, bless!

Waiting in the lobby, listening to a Hasid beatbox with the look of a Chashipster.

I was ready and prepared for an all-nighter but it ended before Cinderella lost her shoe.

These are some photos but no faces as usual, except one man who seems to be the messiah of the balloons! I didn't understand what this eccentric man wanted from me!