The emotional story of a Hasidic who enjoys living in his
community and playing in the outside world.
He breaks his walls with words and acts. I am not going to
elaborate his acts but I will focus on his thoughts.
He is lucid on what’s going on in this community. The H
society isn’t about love: “Marriage for me is a fact of life. It
isn't relevant how it is in the secular society. Since I've been born into this
society, I need to play the game according to the rules of this
community.”
He is an emotional person. I am more
than interested by how he can handle ‘secular’ emotions.
As you have understood, the choice of a
life partner is not a love partner. I enjoy asking him when he is going to a
wedding, if the newlyweds have chosen their partner. And I enjoy the reply: “It’s
a H marriage!”
Meeting outsiders, female outsiders,
leads to a sort of temptation with Hasidic boundaries that I can find in all
the H I have met. The first boundary is the Religion. That’s so powerful!
“I questioned elements of what I’ve
been told. I don't question the faith. I believe in god and in the Torah. I
also try to understand things. I could question things, but more than anything
out of curiosity.”
The Torah talks about love, and allows
love. But why Hasidism doesn’t allow it? Hasidism always refers to the Torah: they
wake up with it, eat with it, shower with it, work with it, and sleep with it…
Why Hasidism has decided to be against
the rules of the Torah for this point?
Married men or not, they don’t want an
emotional love affair. Some want it, and ask me to be their passionate lover. I
have never been on their path. So they disappeared like a little whistle of air
out of a balloon. These ones had passionate love affairs in the past. I didn’t
elaborate what they called ‘passionate love affair’, and I didn’t want to use
my imagination.
“Leading a double life on such an
emotional, deep level has to be very tough. I highly doubt it's worth it. It
could be nice and fun, but than it would in all likelihood lead to heartbreak
etc”
Love or not, they are already living a
double life according to the definition of the H world: talking, laughing,
hugging… outsider strangers as I am, is totally forbidden.
“I can show love to people. It could be
love not in a sexual way. It's difficult but possible. I'd like to get myself
to that point, of just having enough love, in a healthy, balanced way, so to be
able to feel and show it to anyone.” I love my family, some friends, in an
emotional way but not sexual.
It doesn’t mean either that I jump in a
bed with all the men who are attractive to me. I need rest! ;-)
“There are people like that in all
religions and cultures. There are also people like that all over. They’re full
of love without the need for any external person or situation. That’s when
we're really free.”
How many gurus slept with their
disciples? A lot.
How many priests slept with nuns? A
lot.
I admire this Hasidic strength of
resistance not to fall in the flesh so easily. Are they aware how it could be
frustrating for their sexual partner in crime? :-)
Is Dog their guru?
I wonder what this Hasidic means by
freedom. People who escaped from sects talked about freedom once they were out
of it.
Some outsiders use the word ‘cult’
instead of ‘sect’ when they talk about Hasidism. They are not totally isolated
physically and geographically but what about their mind, faith, devotion and
also their connection to my world?
Sex and the relation to sex are very
complicated in NY. I had a conversation with one of my clients. He is gay and
enjoyed his recent trip in Paris where sex is more relaxed. There are too many
questions and drawers in NY. He speaks French and I recommend him to have a
French lover. He is totally into that! The best way to improve a foreign
language starts on pillows, indeed!
Do you think Yiddish could work like
that? :-)
I never talked so much about my
emotions as something specific since I live in NY. To show emotions is a sign
of weakness. I can pretend that everything is gants gut, when I don’t want
someone to ask me personal questions.
In the Hasidic world, they have a hard
time to explain me their misery. Yiddish is a better language to express them
as many European languages. English is a language of action, and many of them don’t
spell well.
What is it to be miserable when you
have nothing to compare if you stay stuck to your community.
It’s very hard for the ones who can’t
express it because they don’t know themselves the reason of a tormented mind.
Freud, we need your help.
I watched the course by a teacher from
Yale about his introduction of emotions:
I was bored, and resisted a lot not to
stop watching this insipid lecture.
I gave up ten minutes before the end.
To pay such an amount of money to hear
that, it’s such a shame!
I will try the second part to see if
the level is better. But reading the overview of this second lecture doesn’t
indicate something better except a fast sleeping mode.
But I recommend to the Hasidim for a very slow
start. If you don’t know the references like Mr Spock from Star Trek, nobody
will blame you. And Freud either, or the informer of his theory, Karl Popper.
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| A subway devotion, May 2012, ©emmarubinstein |
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