How to find a rabbi who can read my soul?

I asked a friend to help me. He said: 'Post it on Craiglist!'.
I did and i received so many replies.
This is what i posted:
I am looking for a rabbi to help me to understand why i feel Jewish.
I will give you more details later.
If you are good in psychology and/or Jewish psychology… that will be great!

The first one i received was totally inappropriate, someone full of hate, his nickname is 'No':
'Do you like to rip people off, collect food stamps while making §-7 figures off the books every year, do you shower once a month? If so, you just might be a Jew.'
Ok, we are in USA, every one has the right to be what he wants and say what he thinks.
In France, if you insult someone because he is gay, black, Jewish, you can make a complain and go to the court one year later.
So I asked this guy: 'What is your point to be so judgmental?'
His reply: 'White power!'
I elaborated a little with him: the Jews come from Middle East, so it means they are not white. Anyway, i gave up with his ignorance! I don't argue with people except if i have something to save. He believes in Wikipedia which is not always wrong but i remain cautious with their information written by anyone.
If he just has a look in Willy, he can see how pale this community is.

I had replies from rabbis but some disappeared when i letted them know i was half Jewish, feeling deeply Jewish not in a religious way. I will never know if they disappear on purpose or if the CL email addresses bounced their replies and mine. The online world is a mystery.

Many of them were not rabbis, not psychologist either… but they wanted to hear my story.

I didn't find what i wanted but i find something: instead of trying to understand my Jewish feelings, maybe it would be better to learn how a Jewish person feels his Judaism, how is his relationship to Dog…
By their Dog stories i might find a way to get out of my big issue… I want to know who is Dog, who created him, why they always refer to him for everything…
I had the impression that the human beings had no responsibilities of his/her own creations, Dog is behind those ones.

A rabbi told me to check my mother roots. I talked to her recently and she said when she was a little girl, and before the WWII, she looked at this part of the World called Palestine. The only information she could have was from the radio. She might be because of the context of the between the 2 wars. She can't explain me, it has always been in her. If she has Jewish roots, that's not for her grand-parents because Nazis looked at 3 or 4 generations. My grandfather had a current Catalan name.  Something that i have to explore because the Catalans don't consider themselves as Spanish. Was there a Jewish community a long time ago? I don't know so far. With my two names, it's like to look for a needle in a hay stack. I need a second life not to study the Torah but to study the genealogy of my family.

Another one was upset that i didn't talk about myself, i mean age, education, spiritual experiences, journey, married/single/children…
I am here to talk about what i feel. He didn't appreciate i asked for his age. I don't want to talk to someone too young, i need someone who knows as well Judaism and the world of outsiders, someone who has experimented this kind of case. And i prefer to remain anonymous, knowing how many people like gossiping in this community, and i am not into that. 

I had an interesting conversation with a young man, stuck to his unhappy marriage.
'Ok well according to Jewish law you aren't Jewish. Being Jewish according to Jewish law goes fully by the mother. However,  Judaism is still in your DNA and your connection to your father is what's making you feel Jewish. As an example,  I've read numerous stories of men who survived the holocaust and completely dropped religion and brought up their children not telling them they are Jewish and the kids always had this pull inside them towards Judaism and a lot of them converted and became religious. It's something inside you that can not be taken away.

The not believing in god is a separate thing completely. There are plenty of people that are Jewish that call themselves atheists.

The fact that you are even having this discussion should lessen the disturbance. Your talking about the religion that's a huge thing. King David says in psalms "I believe because I speak"

Nothing happens by chance. God plans everything. It's kind of hard to look at the world and not believe. Look at an orange tree. A simple seed creates an entire blossoming tree. Also,  us Jews believe God spoke to 600, 000 of us when he gave us the Torah. If that was a lie or there was no God then by simple probability that lie would have surfaced already.

King David was ONLY talking about God. All psalms are prayers and thanks to God.

God can not be created. If he can then that means there is something more powerful than he which would make him not God. Our minds can not comprehend something that has no concept of time or space. It is only our imagination that portrays him as a king sitting on a throne ruling the world.'

He is 26, mature for his age. We talked about his life, his choice, i mean the acceptation of the choices of his parents. He has already had an affair and wanted me as one too. He was persistent and i have difficulties to make him understand i am not into married men. He made the choice to disappear. I really hope he will find a path of enjoyment.

Below, some interesting replies, and some has nothing to do with sauerkraut (You got this French expression? No, i know there is pork in the sauerkraut)

- the torah said a jew converts to Judaism
It is simple if you feel jewish you are Jewish I did a full orthodox conversion made no difference how I felt I felt Jewish from the day i was born and the torah says if you seek Judaism you are already a jew I am glad i did but i found out it was between me and god If you are feeling this then you already feel different then most people and spend a lot o

- I've worked amongst plenty of them very closely with two of them... Male and female... Often been confused for a Jew... But I'm not lol.

What's wrong with that?  Most Jewish people I know are sweet... Its the religious crazy talk (no offense) that bugged me... I had the last straw when my ex boss told me dinosaurs were made up and never existed.  I almost fell out of my seat!!!!

Anyway... Yea you may feel Jewish maybe its in you and maybe you need to practice it... I mean I grew up catholic but haven't really practiced it as an adult... I live by most catholic guidelines but I still question the bible at times..  I raise my kids with what the religion taught me although i have not really introduced them to any religion.  Although sometimes I do wonder if I practiced the religion more perhaps things wouldn't be so crappy in life.  I dunno...

Yea... :-)

- Hey, the word rabbi is misused a lot. Some jews look like rabbis and are not, some jew do not look but are. I wanna talk to u about this feeling you have! I can surely help guide you..
ok tell me a bit why you feel that way
how old are you
and how long have you felt that way
and send a pic so I can see you
and will go from there ok

- The answer is that maybe your family was jewish a ling time ago and they're praying for you that you should become Jewish 

- i'm a rabbi, and also a grad student in new york. i enjoy philosophy and psychology very much. and am interested in hearing more about you.
the typical answer for why you feel jewish is bc u have a jewish soul... etc.. but imaginably you're looking for something more tangible.

i'm 27 and modern, not looking to be someone's rabbi, as much as I am in meeting someone new and interesting. I would be glad to put my skill-set to use to foster a new relationship.

tell me about yourself, and if you dont mind please include a picture.   
- Believing in something is not something you can prove that's why its called Believing so its not that you make someone to believe
Maybe what you feel is that you like jewish people

- actually here is the deal.  Jewish was Jesus.  he was born of a Jewish mother.  does not really matter who the father was.  The disciples, the apostles, St Peter, the whole crew, they were all Jewish.  this means all of Christianity is based on Judaism and that is pretty much it, end of story

I meant to write Jesus was Jewish.  What I don't understand, is that although the Jews [as far back as Isiah 5000 BC] predicted the coming of a messiah. the Jews did not accept their own savior.  The Magi were from 3 non-semitic tribes, Indian, Tunisian and i donot know where the third was from.  The indians predict the coming of a messiah as far back as 6000 BC, so several other religions predicted and accepted Jesus, the Jews did not
- You feel jewish?or you feel that there is a god??
I guess you like jews,and the way they live,and you would love to be a part of them,thats why you have those feelings

- Our soul/lifeforce yearns to return to its source. The soul/neshama is pure despite its sojourn in this organic realm but aspires to a higher metaphysical level (see Jacob's Ladder) even though it is shackled to the  flesh it animates.

The Torah IS God's thought captured on vellum/parchment.  Torah is a pure metaphysical emanation that can only be truly understood in a transcendental state. Read Psalm 42 and Psalm 119. You thirst to achieve that transcendental state. The closest path to  the true path is Judaism.....

- Your desire can overcome the blocks you experience currently. Have you ever tried meditation or do distractions prevent you from meditating Your fear or spiritual things may be part of the wall that blocks you from the deep religious experiences you desire.  
- I’m not a rabbi, but having grownup with orthodox Judaism and also having read books on evolution I can probably give an answer from each point of view. This may not be the best forum for you to find a rabbi though. What’s to stop any dude from saying he is a rabbi just to get into your pants? Most rabbis and shrinks are full of shit anyhow.
- Rabbi @ your service

- Well why is this night different them all other nites

- are you up

- I have question why Jewish girls are so horny
(photo of his penis attached, and I admit it was not a bad photo.) :-)

- I love having sex for days on meth.
Obviously my erection goes away for a while after I cum, but I can go down for hours!
 Sent from my Kyocera Hydro

- money speaks about your commitment

I will post later other replies, i am still in touch with some, and a Baal Teshuva man. That should be interesting. I deleted the post today.

© Leonard Freed