Emotions, back to devotion… Love

A educated Satmerer, mid-thirties, who hangs out with people from different backgrounds talked to me about his emotions, or the idea of expressing his emotions.
He is not married, not yet, by choice. Should i believe him? :-)
"I 'm single for a few reasons. It's partly due to the arranged marriage structure. This makes it challenging to find a potential mate with similar views, since on the outside everyone is similar. I asn't looking to get married in the community. I was dating on the fringe of the community but didn't tie the knot yet."
He is educated, works in freelance.
He is the second one asking me about my epicurean way of life and how i can reconcile it with my interest in Judaism.
"Epicureanism is the philosophy that there's no higher power that interferes with human life and there's no binding moral authority." In other words, the anarchy of life, morals… Or the enjoyment of all the pleasure Mother Nature gave me: a French palate, keen sense of smell, curves… and to share all those things with good company anywhere on the earth planet at anytime.

Then, we talked about the two big issues of the community: emotion and sex, the interaction of the emotions in the sexual life, the daily life and intelligence. In broader terms, why people are scared of emotions? There is nothing wrong to show them sometimes.
"It's due to the way we are separated to the other sex, and are encouraged to hide emotions, which is different in the broader world." And later: "Too much intensity is harmless. "Nothing in excess", said the oracle"."
His other argument which is true: "But I think women complain in general that men are unemotional."

I asked him to give me an example where he has showed his emotions.
"Well, say your gf goes down on you and you get too excited and you bite her too hard."
I actually thought he was joking.
I sent him the definition of emotion according to the Merriam Webster: a strong feeling (such as love, anger, joy or fear).
"Well, I see. I'm not so emotionally inclined. I like my independence and I find it hard to cry. But I appreciate people who have a more developed nature."
He doesn't date a lot. We will hang out next week and i will be his matchmaker because i don't date.
I hate this word so kitsch. Each time, a guy says he is dating me, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, i am in a cold sweat. I dislike deeply the dating scene in outsider and Hasidic/rebel NY. Here, everything is scheduled: you meet, you date, you get engagement, marriage, kids… Booooooooh…
In France: you meet, you kiss, sleep or go back home alone. If you sleep the first night and you have a brunch with friends the day, you can come with the guy… That's not the big deal if you dump him during the dessert.
I have never seen so many guys thinking of the future and being scared of that here. Guys, stop saying: "Ok, i will sleep with you, but i don't want a relationship, commitment, attachment, twins, a dog & a cat…". All these conditions to spend a nice moment with someone and enjoy i is very boring. Let it go! And jump in the water! But the after is another story too apparently: "If i sleep with her twice, she will think blah blah blah."
So, you got the message, i don't date or whatever you call that, despite my emotional potential.

On line 2, i had a conversation with a virgin of 25 years old, very horny. He is from Brooklyn, lives Upstate where he studies and works a little.
He was very persistent to meet me last night at anytime. He was thinking of leaving the community or to explore the outside world a little more. We talked a little on the phone and i warned him to go slowly not like a foolish dog which sniffs everything.
We decided to meet this Saturday before he gets back Upstate until April.
And this morning, he sent me a text: "So I was thinking about it and decided I wanna stay a good religious Jew… So it was really nice talking but maybe it's better if we don't meet."
I replied: "Ok, i understand. What makes you change your mind?"
"Because I know that's the truth and it doesn't worth leaving this life for momentary desires…"
Good boy! :-)
I am pretty sure that the next horny crisis, he will get back to me. I know you virgin guys!
He knows that my door is open if he has any question about my world.

And he has one: "What is it that motivate you every day?…"
I am not going to elaborate all the clichés he told me with the references to American movies which represent for him the real life of the outsiders. He has never been in love and he thinks that my world is a mess of debauchery of all kinds.
I can't blame someone who is so ignorant thinking that all the Hasidic couples are happy, the women are treated like queens and, the guys who are on CL are the most miserable ones. He was on CL too.

GERMANY , Frankfurt, 1961. The Saturday evening (sabbath) religious service in
the new Jewish community. © Leonard Freed/Magnum Photos

Germany , Dusseldorf, 1961 the exterior of the newly built Synagogue.
© Leonard Freed