I closed my business down today before Shabbos! I can move on finally!
That was a lot of stress but Jewish Russian angels were surrounding me with huge wings!
One of my favorite movie is The Wings of Desire by Wim Wenders, 1987.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY8uDNkOLHM
A short critic of the movie, interesting for those who haven't seen this movie yet. This movie reconciled me with the language of Goethe which could be less harsh than when it was spoken by the Nazis.
The music is beautiful and some songs are sung by Nick Cave, the man i talked about in my post Havdalah Blues.
I believe in angels and i think this couple were angels before becoming humans, human angel. They have their heart on the hand (to be kind-hearted). She was Christian before getting converted Jewish when she met her husband three years ago. This religion matches a lot with her soul!
She has been through a lot and has been alone a long time. Her son had a heart transplant. This couple are like my parents here. She often came to have news because she knows all my woes i have been through since five months.
She is so good, so sensitive, and emotional. She was worried about me and tried to calm me down many times. Her husband came almost everyday to take off things, recycle them,… As he said: "To help people is better than money". She said that he is emotional and she has understood NY very well, but she didn't change and learn her lessons of life. The wheel has turned and she met this good man.
He wanted to keep things but if i could sell them, he letted them go. He might be electrician, plumber, and handyman.
He came here from Russia when he was 26. He is in his fifties. I love the way he talked about his wife: "She is always thankful when i do something for her with my hands. That's not like that in my community. She appreciates everything." I told her what he said, she was so happy. She knew terrible woes, and she appreciates simple things. She has been so disappointed by having too many expectations when she arrived in NY with her two children under her arms.
She believes in G-d, she thinks G-d is here and protects her. She likes Mendel Menachem Schneerson a lot, and offered me to go to his grave in the next weeks. She is not Hasidic but she has his photo in her wallet. I accepted the offer of course! :-)
I am ready for any Jewish trips!
We will hang out and be crazy ladies, and i might improve my Russian a little. She is a converted so i am more intrigued. She is a barber and i enjoy barber shops, and i love the design of the barber seats.
Her husband said that G-d was probably in my work space, because yesterday G-d sent me the people i needed to sell all my stuffs. As a collector, i am very proud not to have collected so much crap. I have some indeed, but not as i used to have. American improvement! :-)
And these people sent me other people today to finish the hard work.
All these people were not Jewish but who cares?
And my favorite kids came by to give me drawings, and plenty of hugs.
Amongst all this stress, i needed a break and Shavuot was there. I didn't have time to go to my Congregation. I came back home, showered, had a short dinner and tried to look like a Lubaba. I had the impression to dress like a redneck. The women section of the 770 was not crowded and i expected to see flowers in the synagogue as they said in the quiz that i made more than ten times (My Jewish Learning website). The ladies were my flowers. I admit that i took photos discreetly but one Israeli saw me and said that she was not sure that the rabbi will be happy. I had the impression to be a little girl doing something stupid. I explained her that it was my last Shavuot in USA. She asked me if i had family here to have dinner with. Saying no, she invited me to the place of his friend, but she had to ask first. I didn't expect a second dinner, and i am not fond of cheesecake like my king. Cheese yes, Cake yes, but separately. :-)
She went out and never came back. I was scared of being in a family where i know someone that i don't like. That's not me to pretend and to be hypocrite. I didn't want to have to argue during a celebration of joy. I just needed shalom before jumping in my bed.
Another woman talked to me in Hebrew, and repeated it in English that we have received the Torah and have to accept it with love and… Another one corrected her.
A friend of mine was texting me on my way to the shul, asking me where comes from all the energy i have. I replied that it's from my mom who doesn't give up and raised me that way. And she honors her Sephardi name which means a deep and huge energy, but shhh, i won't tell you her name! :-)
I knew that i had to go this night in a shul, i wanted it. I needed not to be a sort of 'off the derech', my own derech. :-)
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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| ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
Believing that things don't happen by accident…
Does it mean something? :-)
I have about 4 months to study, to breath, eat, drink and sleep Kosher…
Welcome for my last Hasidic and conservative adventures…
I feel relieved, and ready for that below.
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| cat cuddles, and pillow book, ©emmarubinstein, 2014 |
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