I am in love

When i was in high school Jr and high school, i expected a lot from the French, English and History classes. I was disappointed and i was bored!
I didn't like going to school. When i was in age to sign my leave of absence, i did it sometimes.

But on my path, i had good teachers, a few.
The two best French teachers brought me a lot, not by their choices of books to read for the class but for how they explained the texts.
The first one, i was 12, and i was fascinated by her hair. She was blonde, then a sort of red hair not well-done like if she put ketchup on her hair. She gave us foreign literature to read. I remembered two of them that i didn't like reading: The Lion by Joseph Kessel, and The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. We had finals, and i cheated. My mom had an old edition and there were notes and i copied and pasted some of them. I never finished those two books. Shame on me to have cheated on Kessel who has Jewish Lithuanian origins like me. :-)
What i liked with those teachers is they taught me humankind. I found an old friend from high school. We were in the same class with the Kessel teacher. He had family issues, and a crush on her. They exchanged letters during summer holidays. She was very supportive. She was sweet and soft with us.

Parisian shul, stained glasses, December 2014, ©emmarubinstein

On my Jewish path, i am an autodidact. That was not easy to find classes where i don't feel boredom.
I discovered the intelligence of the Torah with The Torah for Dummies.
I have been in different shuls. I fell in love with 770 and the Pupa shul in Willy.
Back in Paris, that was hard to find what i have lost.
I can't stand the Torah in French, i can't stand the word in French Dieu* (*G-d), i feel like a Christian or Catholic is talking to me. Honestly, i have cold sweats. That's probably psychosomatic.

I am a ball busters, i know! I broke a lot of balls! And mine too! :-)

And i found that Beth Midrash where i have Hebrew classes and Torah classes. And i found happiness and joy.
Thanks to the teacher once again.
The Torah is slapping my face, i fell from my chair all the time.
The rabbi is back from Israel, and he gave the Hebrew classes. That's another style, but i like his way of doing it: humor.
The two words the most important in Israel are: tomato and eggplant.
Tomato is everywhere. He said that once there was a strike because of the expensive price of the tomato. I enjoy hearing that. :-)

Parisian shul, Magen David on the ground, December 2014, ©emmarubinstein

After the Hebrew class, the Torah class with my favorite teacher.
That's not only a class about religion, that's about etymology, history, politics, economy, philosophy, poetry, sociology, and passion.
We spent two classes (1 hour and half each) talking about Abel and Cain.
We are at the beginning of the Torah, and in 4, 5 sentences you have already so many things to say.
The creation of the world has been created for the good.
Then, the creation of the human beings, and the bad arrived with the snake. The snake is an animal.
Cain was the bad, the first murderer and a human being.
I think that we are a big challenge for Him/Her.
That teacher dissects and analyzes the text very deeply. I think that we could spend one year on Cain and Abel, that's endless.
The war is already on the starting blocks with those two brothers.
Why Hashem rejected one and not the other one? Someone above us reads the intentions of our acts.
The story of Abel and Cain has divided the world: the good and the bad.
That's not only in the meaning of the text but also in the construction of the Hebrew language.
I still read Hebrew with slowness and difficulty but that's such a motivation to understand each word.

I am more in love by the idea that when you read a book that you love, you don't want it to end.
I will have thousands of pages to read in the next years, and i hope that i will meet teachers or people like her.

I like the image that the women are immortal in a certain way compares to men. Ah ah!
We are the partner of Hashem for the next generation: we give birth and we have the project of immortality.

Parisian shul, waiting for the next bar Mitzvah, December 2014, ©emmarubinstein

Abel is a nomad and Cain is a sedentary. Politically, she explained that to settle nomads is impossible. That's what happened with the Bedouins. And that was a failure.
It was written in the Torah! :-)
Sometimes, we can have good intentions to help people to be more integrated, but what is important is to listen to their needs.

She ended the class, talking about the poem by Victor Hugo, The Conscience, that i already mentioned in a post.
We are watched, we can't breathe! :-)

After classes, i can't do something else. On my way to go back home, i think and think.
The other day, i was invited to a dinner, i couldn't go. I didn't think of going there.
I can't explain that to my friends, they are not going to understand.
Some understand what's going on with me, but i can't talk about my deep feelings.
I have never seen a therapist but i have the impression that it's like a therapist session, i need to stay focused on what i learned during the class. That's an obviousness.

Next to my bed: Chumash, Sukkot box, Hasidic mug, Orthodox Wooden Blocks,
2014, ©emmarubinstein