Sukkot: back to the Pupa shul

This time, i just have my hands in my pocket, no more pocket book.
I took my favorite bus B44 and stopped down Bedford Ave.
I didn't remember where it was exactly so i walked on Bedford. I recognized the sukkah and followed women. I felt the glances at me and i think this time it was because i didn't wear the white scarf on my head. Oups!
The looks were less insistent than last year. A few men stared at me, they dared! I enjoyed that.
Children and their mothers understood that i was a sort of alien.
They didn't ask me questions when i went upstairs.
I went at the same place than last year to see if i recognized the woman i met last year.
She was there with all her grand-children and said hello.

I admitted i took a few pictures.

I stayed to watch men dancing and singing with the Torah. And i decided to watch from another point of view.
A woman called me to jump on her bench. The view was perfect and better.
'Where are you from?' she said.
She knows two French Pupa families and wished she will see them tonight. I don't know how old she was, already mother of 11 children and with the will of Dog she will have more.
And we started a conversation and i had to lie all the time. That bothered me a lot to do that.
Her intonation was that the answers were in the questions:
'Where do you live?': 'Crown Heights'
'Did you come by foot?': 'Yes'
'Are you Jewish?': 'Yes'
I asked her if I could take photos. 'The best photos are in our mind, aren't they?'. 'Yes'
'You are Jewish and you don't break your Shabbos?': 'Yes and no'.

'Is your husband dancing with the Torah?': 'No, i am not married.'
'You need to find the good partner.' Did i really hear what she said. Since when the H babies talk about a good partner? Especially with arranged marriages. Dog manages their life, chooses their husbands/wives… is she talking about love?
It was not the time and the moment to talk about love between human beings, i felt so much devotion around me. When the men were singing she moved her lips following a small book. I asked her if what she was following was what the men were singing: 'Yes.'
What i heard as songs were 'la la la la la la…'but i didn't recognize Hebrew or Yiddish. I could see the men over the mechitza, hé hé ! Many children do it too but i don't know what can happen if a narrow-minded H baby had seen me! Scandal? oh la la!

When i heard the man calling the next dancers, i wondered how they know which one they called. Many of them have the same first and last name.

A man was dancing with his two little boys in his arms like the two rolls of the Torah. That was cute!

I talked to the woman about my dream of sharing a Shabbos meal with a strict family. She asked me why. I did tell her the truth for once that night. 'Take the Williamsburg white pages and call people and ask them'. 'Really?'. 'You will find someone who will be happy to welcome you.' U.n.b.e.l.i.e.v.a.b.l.e!
I don't know if it was one of her fantasies but they are so scared of outsiders so a phone call from an unknown Frenchichi is not going to reassure them. 'How many families should i have to call? You are so many.'
'Indeed'.

They were very dressed up, smelling good. They can't use hot water since Wednesday evening to Saturday night, so i asked the French H baby how they do. They sweat when they dance and they didn't smell bad. They shower with cold water. Booooooh!

I left because they were too many children screaming and women gossiping with joy. And i wanted to go to a Satmar shul on Lee Avenue. I say Satmar but i am not sure about that.
The woman said: 'See you next year. Do you have someone who will pick you up?'. Another lie 'Yes'.

There were less people in the streets and i felt the same looks towards me. I am fine with that now. I just would like subtitles to understand their mind.

In a building, on the first floor, i heard men singing and a group of women watching them through the window. I felt deeply in Poland during last century.

I tried to come in the Satmar shul but i didn't find the entry and i didn't want to ask. I gave up and my bus was on its way.

Three non hasidic guys came in later in the bus, and i realized that i was back in a sort of reality.
And in the same time, i was wondering if the H babies would be right. :-)

I shook them

In the place i work i have large windows so i can see what happens in the street and it's very delightful to see my H baby walking their lulav and etrog.
Last Sunday, a client was there too. He is German but his father is Iranian. He is totally blonde. He is a journalist for the UN.
Two H babies came in and asked me if he was Jewish. :-)
He is Persian, not muslim, but i have to check if you can be Persian by your father or mother… or whatever.
I told them he was not Jewish but I WAS half-Jewish.
I liked their amazement mixed with their interrogation: "Should we stay or should we go?".
They decided to give me a bless (?).
I told them clearly i was not religious, feeling Jewish deeply.

They made me speak Hebrew or Yiddish. I repeated like a good student and recognized the name of Dog as Adonai and Elohim. I focused on their words because they seemed so happy to do it. I like pleasing people, and they were so young.
The German man wasn't aware of what was happening in his back, stuck to Skype. I like when you are in a space and everyone is living his/her own story.

At the end, they asked me to shake the lulav and etrog, that was crazy for me.
It was like i was in a foreign country and don't speak the language so i use sign language, and it works.
I was out of space and that was nice to talk to Dog without talking.
They talked about a mitzvah and i totally agree to have mitzvah every day, every hour…
Later i made a wish because it was the first time it happened to me.
I shook them a little too much like maracas.

I kept one leaf.

i live in Crown Heights

and i want to see love, so a song for all my H babies, spread your love feelings on the sidewalk of Kingston Avenue next Saturday. I want to smell love, happiness to love, tons of peyos of love…
See you there… As says K-os 'This is my message to the world'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyRB00Xe5-E

Shame on me!

Ok, i admit i have sinned last year after buying an etrog to kids in the streets of Willy.
I was very proud and not really upset when a H baby told me that it was not THE etrog for Sukkot, according to the price i paid for it.
How could i know that Erog was so expensive? I am Jewishly naive.
I kept mine 6 months and threw it after its anorexia.
I like drawing and my 'revenge' was to draw a Hasidic on my erotic etrog.
So shhh, don't say to Dog who will bark at me.
The back is a homage to all the H babies who like spanks, ouch!!! :-)

It had a happy life in my home sweet home. RIP erotic etrog!

No comment! And enjoy Sukkot!

Forgiveness

I found this video about forgiveness yesterday. That's quite interesting and especially because it's a conversation between a father and his son.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngjCmgUsfv0&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLDFn-tgiEyNL_JMXWhp32Jbq4BYiDx7iW
The questions are:
- everything has to be forgivable?
- if someone apologizes (here by text message), are we able to forgive?
- forgiveness doesn't mean we approve what it has done to us?
- forgiveness is just for one day?
- the next day, can we do the same sins because one year later: forgiveness?
- 'Human being we are not animals because we have the choice'?
- does forgiveness avoid resentment?
- revenge before forgiveness?
- 'you don't have to forgive, but forgiving is good'?
My personal thoughts is i am not in favor of forgiving one day a year. Or if i have to do it, i need an explanation and an entire confession in person, not online, phone… I need to see the eyes, the expressions, the physical behavior which don't betray a hypocrisy.
But how to forgive if your don't approve the acts, the resentment will still be there.
I saw religious people, not only the H babies, many times who give themselves the right to behave badly because they are pretty sure that Dog will forgive them. That's too easy.
I believe in revenge but not coming from me directly: what goes around comes around.

In this cartoon, i like that Hanan sent a text to meet David but he doesn't talk about forgiveness. He has resentment since two years, so if i have been him but i am not, either i already moved on, either i asked for meeting David just after he stole the position.
I am not scared of fighting, arguing in person, even if my hands shake, my emotions are super high and drink all my energy. I prefer to go for an open discussion with screams, tears… if i have too. After that, i felt totally empty but i said what i have to say.
I did with my ex bosses twice or three times, and the result was that they respected me and some were scared of me. Show your guts to your boss! :-)

I am patient, very patient but when you start to tease and tickle my disrespectful hormones, i become fiery until it explodes. So i am going to the conflict.
I agree that as humans we always have the choice and for some who are smart, they are totally aware of what they are doing but think that i will always forgive. No way! :-)
One friend of mine told me once that to go to the conflict is good if you want to save something, if you think that this relation/friend/love-ship can be saved for something better.
Each time, i think of what she said. I think twice before wasting my energy and let it go if this person doesn't need more interest.

With some H babies, it has been different sometimes because of their lack of emotional intelligence. I took the time to explain them that we don't speak to gentiles like that. They were in panic, scared of being abandoned, and finally apologized. And if we mix that with their own interpretation of the Torah, it became very complicated and complex.

Last year i forgive more than this year. I want confessions because the first thing which bothers a lot is their lies for anything.

Have a good fast H babies! No shower, no sex, no leather, that's too sad! :-)

They blew the shofar for me

It was at the beginning of the afternoon today at work.
One Sephardi and one Ashkenazi rabbi.
2 minutes.
2 clients were with me, we are like friends now, and they know my fascination for the H community.
One black man who learned Hebrew during three years, and one Korean girl. She knew nothing about this community.
We all have the giggles inside us.
These 2 minutes were funny and amazing. The sound was very weird like different animals were farting. :-)
The Sephardi was following the prayer in the book. I didn't understand everything.
He asked first the rabbi if he can blow the shofar, because i told him shortly my Jewish story and issue.
The passers-by were looking at them and, my neighbors too.

To end, other photos by Leonard Freed.
Enjoy as i am enjoying them.

Jerusalem, 1967 an official writer of religious objects. 

ISRAEL. 1967. Out in the open Judean Hills the men gathered and waited for the evening sun to set,
and the prayers to begin.

ISRAEL. Jerusalem. 1967. Before the Six Day War, Jews live in an ancient building
in front of the Old Wall of Jerusalem.

Germany , Dusseldorf, 1961 the exterior of the newly built Synagogue. 

I couldn't resist…

… to post this amazing photo by Leonard Freed of a Hasidic school in Prospect Park taken in 1954.

'Are you Jewish?'

That's Rosh Hashanah!
Chana Tova to all my H babies!
Below, i posted old postcards for the new year.
The book is over but it has to be read once again in case of you didn't understand the suspense.
How does it end? Do we know the truth about Dog?
Does Dog like Charlie from Charlie's Angels, we will never see his/her/it face?

I hear you asking for forgiveness.
Dog will probably forgive you because of your devotion, but what about the human justice?
I asked one of them to accept one of my condition and i will forgive him. Our year of friendship was not very good.
I would like him to say the truth and stop lying. Big challenge for him when you are used to lying all the time. Let 's see before Yom Kippur if he behaves a little better.
I want him to reply to this question: does he believe that a friendship between a H baby and a shiksa is possible? I felt someone stuck to his religious destiny and one day, he will stop meeting outsiders and getting back to his sect (Satmar) because he could never admit his double life. That's sad.
I would like to discuss with him his definition of respect, that seems as weird as his definition of having sex.

The rabbi from a shul not far away from where i work came twice to a dinner party in Bed-Stuy with no shofar. :-)
I would have loved to go but i was too tired. What about tonight, let's see where my legs will lead me: 770 or another shul.

What i am looking forward to seeing is the kids asking me: 'Are you Jewish?'.
Will i be less shy this year to let them hear their prayers and blow the shofar. Oh my Dog! I am so scared of having the giggles.

For Sukkot, i will probably meet the French H baby who comes in NY. (Je sais que tu lis ce blog).
He seems very open-minded to go in a H place with lot of light. We won't be vampires.
Could we dance together like crazy on Kingston Ave? :-)

Before that, i will probably get back to the Pupa shul in Willy to see the erotic dance of men with their beloved Torah!
Their songs were so beautiful. But this time, i don't bring my pocket book. I am looking forward to seeing if the same ladies paid for their bench.