A Jewish friend

The other evening i had a dinner with a French Sephardic friend.

Do you say everything to one friend, or do you say personal things to different friends according to the subject of the conversation?

I am the type of the second point.

A few months ago, a friend of mine, removed me from her Instagram list because she doesn't understand what i am doing with Hasidim.

Before that, she connected me to a friend of hers, all from the same high-school, because he was in Crown Heights to take photos of Hasidim for the project of an exhibition. His photos are composition well realized, but we are not on the same personal page.
What was her point? :-)

Before Shabbos in Crown Heights, September 2014, ©emmarubinstein

I already talked about that, last time i was in Paris, during a dinner with her and other friends.

But someone told me that she wrote an email to my other friends about these Instagrams. I can totally understand that sometimes i posted too many photos, and it might be overwhelming. But to talk in my back, i didn't actually appreciate.

I am not going to argue with her, because, one thing is for sure: she will never understand my identity crisis.

And amongst my other friends like her, i will have to summarize and to be evasive.

Many of my friends have been to University or various schools. They received education and have culture.

I understand that they can't find interest in Hasidism, or they may be scared of them.

What bothers me the most is to judge me before asking questions.

Ignorance can be everywhere, even in my own side.

I am not hurt, because this kind of event won't change my life and the path that i decided to take.

My Sephardi friend took my defense. 

I stopped posting too many photos on Instagram. I too was getting tired of myself. :-)

She has understood that it's a personal work, and she likes the photos…

I didn't make the official announce of my coming back in my country to avoid hundred of emails asking me the same questions. Even after 3 weeks in Paris: i am here, i am there…

Maybe, that's totally selfish, but i decided who i want to see first. And also, i wanted to avoid gossips in my back with different stories about my case. I became a religious case. I jumped in another drawer. :-)

That Sephardi friend that i knew in high-school was a good choice.

We were not close at school. She was scared of my rebellion. She was very wise.

Before Shabbos in Crown Heights, September 2014, ©emmarubinstein

Many years later, when the social network made us meet again, the connection was totally different.

We became closer.

I already asked her some questions the last times i was back in Paris for a short time. But it was a dinner with many friends, thus that was not easy to have a deep conversation about Judaism and Jewishness.

That dinner, it was time to know her story better.

Her parents are in the same age than mine. They have known the WWII. Her father passed away years ago.

Her father was a Sephardi Jew. Her mother is Catholic.

They met just after the war, and after all this drama, they didn't think of being a Jew or not, they thought of love with a big L.

Her mother never got converted but they celebrated Jewish Holidays.

Her grand-mother knew the war, but she hasn't been a witness of the horrors. She was living in Algeria.

But she had a post-war trauma. 

My friend remembered that when they celebrated something Jewish, she closed the shutters and said: "Nobody has to know what we are doing."

My friend and her brother were scared of being in the dark. They screamed a little. But the grand-ma never gave in: he has to be like that.

With this friend, we have two things in common: we set up a company, and we had a Jewish identity crisis. She would be able to understand me, and why i am wandering amongst the Hasidim, not to become one of them, but to be close to my roots and family story.

I believe that we can meet up good and beautiful people in this world, especially amongst the minorities rejected by ignorant people. The Hasidic community came to me because i wanted it.

She was a child, practicing her Jewishness, without a Kosher stamp.

In our school, there were many Sephardi, and she was hanging out with them.

Then, she was 12, and she wanted to have her bat-mitzvah.

What did it mean to be Jewish when you are 12? To keep on being like your Jewish friends?

The answer came from her Jewish friends: "You can't do it!"

"Why?", she asked.

"You are not Jewish."

But, for her, she was Jewish.
And for me, that too was obvious.
Back to her parents, she had an identity crisis. She was mad at them.

She comes from a big family, and a close friend to her father was a rabbi. She received help from them.

Her mother cooked Kosher for her. I didn't know exactly when she got converted, and if she had her bat-mitzvah.

Before Shabbos in Crown Heights, Tzedakah, September 2014, ©emmarubinstein

That was her turn of questioning me about mine.

She is a good person, and a good Jew. She can't keep Shabbos that last year, because of her job.

She is doing her best and i don't blame people who breaks their Shabbos because of their responsibilities. She has a professional conscience, and works as crazy as i used to do it.

We think 'Jewish' all the time.

We know that He is lenient with us.
I offered my help, because i felt that she needed it. I am happy that she accepted it in a non American way. I can breathe. Connections without thinking money or interest, are simpler in Europe.
I don't buy my friends, and they don't buy me either. :-)

I am still in a time of the process of keeping everything shut down during 3 days. I tried not to use too much Internet.

But He knows that i did it because i had to check where my shipping was. My Jewish books and Menorah have been checked by the English customs and will be soon on the French soil. I miss them a lot.

Another point my Sephardi friend said that made me laugh. She finds the Israeli very rude. She gave me an explanation: Israeli don't have time to be polite because their priority is somewhere else. They are daily survivors. They are living with a sort of fear. She added that she doesn't either excuse their behavior.

Before Shabbos in Crown Heights, Tzedakah, September 2014, ©emmarubinstein