Menashe movie by Joshua Weinstein

Brooklyn Yiddish is the French title. Why not? That's a part of my dear Brooklyn!
I loved this movie that i have seen last October, which actually understands the neshama of the community. The main actor is awesome and i was not surprised that he is an authentic Hasidic.
The director has understood another thing that i have met : Hasidic humor.
If you haven't seen it yet, go for it.

The French poster

What about my life in Paris?
Working on two big projects about my years in Brooklyn. I needed those last years to understand my different lives in Brooklyn. I chose two different ways to tell about them.

One of these projects will be about my beloved Hasidim. I am not going to betray them, not worries. Even if i have been asked for photos i took in Brooklyn to do what? To betray them? Such a shame! People can pretend that they love them and they can stab them in the back! That's the easy way to use someone else to do bad things! I discovered the true face!
Some Hasidim can be naive! Watch out!

Some photos from Paris with love and tenderness! bisoos

Before Rosh Hashanah, ©emmarubinstein, 2017

Le Marais at night, ©emmarubinstein, 2018

When an ex Hasidic is in town…

… my town, my city, Paris…
surrounding by books and books…
books from La Pléiade…
have a good evening!

Shame on me for not writing more often

I would like to write more often but i am working on different projects at the same time, including my conversion.
That's a new organization in a new life. I am looking forward to Shabbes to have rest and to empty my mind. If i think too much, i work! I juggle with many things.
I try to find my place, a tiny place in the Jewish world.

Crown Heights, 2014, @emmarubinstein

The women i met at the shul are very nice and i actually enjoy sharing Shabbes meals with them.
I have met  an awesome woman at my Lubavitch shul. She is not Lubavitch. She is Sephardi and she is fascinated by Hasidism. She doesn't know the reasons.She is a beautiful person with a kind soul.

She was the first one to talk to me at the shul the first time i came.
Since then, she invited many times for a Shabbos meal.
The first time, she invited me with two other young women from the shul: one is going for a conversion (she has no Jewish lineage at all), the second one is doing teshuva.
My host asked me so many questions about my adventures in the Hasidic world in Brooklyn.
I didn't think that they will be touched by my stories and they all have the impression to travel in those areas they don't know yet! I didn't say everything, a lot less than on this blog where i too don't write everything.
Then, we went back home with joy, enlightenment till we heard what happened that night at 7 places in Paris. It was the 13th of November.
That day is still there: trains which stop, streets shut down and other stuffs.
We know that it won't stop that year.
Anyway!

Purim preparation, Paris 2016, @emmarubinstein

I am still following my courses at the shul.
To study the Talmud is such an exercise and our teacher can disturb some ladies who enjoy course with more pedagogy. His style is more mathematical and rock'n'roll.
I enjoy his Ashkenazi jokes.
He is like the lady of Shabbes invitation: they don't judge the way of other people, Jewish or not, live.

During the winter Shabbes, the kind woman organizes tea time on Shabbes afternoon before the end of Shabbes. Her daughter or other children talk about the parasha of the week. She tells us some stories.

I liked that shul. I am trying to find tiny places in Paris where i can feel what i felt in huge places in Brooklyn. I need a sort of Jewish comfort. Except the Lubavitcher, many Jews are hiding that they are Jewish. You don't introduce yourself as a Jew like you can do in New York.

With my friends of the other shul, we have lunches, parties, concerts and lots of laughs. We have our headquarter, it's a restaurant. The original restaurant is in Tel-Aviv, they opened one in Paris. The owner is always happy to see us because he wants people who eat and drink L'chaim.

That woman at my shul doesn't like gossips. She doesn't allow herself to talk about others. She gave me the reasons lately: if you gossip, you give your mitzvot to the person you are criticizing. I like her story. She is in her 40s. Her father passed away when she was 14. Her mother, that i like a lot, who is coming from a family of Moroccan tzadik, didn't want to see sadness in her house. She brought happiness and joy by inviting many people for their Shabbat. Her daughter was into religion compares to her sons. She becomes more tziniut year after year.
His husband is a funny man. They are a very good match. She got married late because she wanted to choose the one.

Costumes and soldiers, paris, 2016, @emmarubinstein

She told us that she has dreams and can see the future. Apparently, that works. That can be scary when it comes from someone else than myself. She had already dreamed of the husband of her daughter who is 10 years old.

My next post will be about a sofer. That was an awesome moment.

Pesach Kosher Vesameach!

London Calling

I hardly posted lately.

I needed a break after my last long vacation last year in Israel.
I needed a Hasidic breath!

Stoke Newington, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

Stoke Newington, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

My shul is Lubavitch, only 3 Lubavitch families are there. The rest of us is coming from different Jewish background, more or less modest and shomer. I will talk about that in another post later.

New York is not in my project, thus i chose London, and also the area of Stoke Newington and Stamford Hill.
I read some information about that: Satmar is the first community, Belz the second, then Viznitz, Bobov, Gür, Skver and Lubavitch.
On Google Map, i screenshot the streets but i didn't want to see the street views.

I have been there for a day, leaving by one of the first Eurostar and coming back by the last one.

Unfortunately, that was a rainy day!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms6xbSCDw2Y
But i knew that my Hasidim will be out to go to the shul for davening!

Stoke Newington, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

I imagined an area like Williamsburg: 2 main streets with lots of Jewish stores.
The area is bigger than Williamsburg, i followed a Hasidic woman first and i lost her.

I can find my way as a solivagant and was very excited when i saw a black garb because i felt that i find a personal harmony and zenitude to see all of them.

Stoke Newington, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

Black hat, Yiddish and Kosher bread, Stoke Newington, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

I had the aim to find a Hasidic woman and to share a conversation with her. Many questions came to my mind. Will i find the soul of Williamsburg?

There were houses after houses, few Hasidim outside.

I saw a woman in the distance, and i had to talk to her.
I told her right away if she was Hasidic. She looked at me with her mouth agape.
I smiled and told her that i used to live in New York. I mentioned Williamsburg.
I added that i missed those areas a lot!
She was a Satmar, speaking a good English.
They speak Yiddish, not Hebrew.

The moment of grace was about Shabbes. "You should come back for Shabbes". After i asked her for visiting a shul. It was a weekday and shuls are not open for women. My curiosity to see bochurim was high. She gave me the name and the address of a hotel.

Finally, we had a stroll together. She wanted to show me where the Jewish stores were on this part of the area. She said that it will be full of men at this time.
We didn't have the same definition of a crowd. :-)
I wished i could find a bagel store. She was laughing: "That's not like in New York".
Everything is expensive in this area. I didn't have the time to ask her about the lives of the husbands: do they work, what was their main job, etc?
She has been once in New York for a wedding. She wished she could go back to see the Satmar rebbe grave.
She didn't have family in America, despite the huge Satmar families that we can encounter.
I found one of the main street with its bakery, butcher, shoes store called Lee Ave, small supermarket.

Windy beard, Dusnmure Road, Stamford Hill, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

Dusnmure Road, Stamford Hill, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

I enjoyed being in the bakery and look at all these Ashkenazi danishes that i can hardly find in Paris.
Paris should become more Ashkenazi!

Then, i have been in the toy store. When i was at the cashier, i had a delightful conversation with the salesman. He was a Belzer. He smiled bashfully at the beginning, then more talkative finally.
I felt the same amazement when they find someone who is interested by their life.
I told him that i left NY because i didn't feel well there but the European education from the Hasidic community helped me a lot to survive in this jungle where money is a pathology. Who can think that Hasidism was a mental and spiritual medicine for me?

In Williamsburg, despite the devotion that you can feel, you can also see a daily life with the many stores. You feel the speed of the city, they run to the shul.
In London, that's very quiet!

I bought some Jewish stuffs, some Ashkenazi danishes for my mother. I wanted her to taste them.

And i was ready to go to the other part of the road.
I met the same kind of stores. I asked a man in a supermarket for a Kosher restaurant.
They don't seem to go to restaurant. They don't have a café where you can sit. He looked at me very astonished.

I am very intrigued by their life. I will go back there more often to explore.

I felt very well and safe. Safe too because of the fear of the next attack we are waiting for now is inside us for a long time.
They seem unattainable, harmless and protected by Hashem. Because of that, i felt protected.

The redhead of the day, Dusnmure Road, Stamford Hill, London, January 2016, ©emmarubinstein

A sunny and peaceful Sunday after the Paris attacks

November, 15th 2015 ©emmarubinstein

I got the news after midnight when i got back home from a Shabbos dinner in a family that i met at my shul.
They thanked me to make them travel with my Hasidic stories.
My friends were worried about me and were looking for me.
I used to live in this area that i enjoyed a lot.

Saturday was very quiet, but i was stressed : they are not military men since 2 Shabbos, and the shul has only very large unshielded windows. The government offered to pay 80% of the price for shielded windows. I wish they will change them.

On Sunday, after the cabin fever, i went to Ulpan classes.
With some of my friends we had planned to go to our favorite Kosher restaurant in Le Marais.
Many stores were closed during the weekend but the Jews decided not to be afraid, l'chaim!

November, 15th 2015 ©emmarubinstein

My first challot

Heard about the Shabbos Project ?
The idea comes from South Africa and now, the project is growing.
Last year, i heard a little about it in France.
This year, that was bigger.

My red pot and those of my girlfriends, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

My red pot, gloves, flour, eggs, sugar, etc, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

The week of the Shabbos Project, some evenings are organized to learn how to bake a challah.
The women have 3 responsibilities: to light the candles, the bake the challah, to make food kosher (kashrut).
I never baked a challah, i bought it.

I was not available for the evenings, but an impromptu event happened: i abandoned one of my job at the break time. I gave my badge saying that i will never come back. I felt free! For Americans, it might be seen like something obvious, not in my country!

The other good news was that i was available finally for learning how to bake a challah.
Challah or a boring job?
My choice was made!

Teenagers having fun, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Teenagers having fun, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

My girlfriends from my Torah, Hebrew, etc classes are back with me that year. I met some of them during all the summer, sharing meals and lots of laughs. We have our HQ restaurant, and we are making friend with the owner and some servers who know pretty well when we are there.
In that restaurant, you can share a table with other people. There are many tourists, thus a good occasion to practice my English.

Teenagers having fun, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Teenagers having fun, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

It happened that my girlfriends were all there at the evening.
We were all at the same table.
There were 300 women. We have been welcomed so well.
A friend of mine has been at another challah evening the day before. I saw a photo of her and asked her why she was wearing a scarf on her head: "To avoid questions". Man! That's not a shame to have never been married.
I replied to her: "I want questions."

The ambiance was very funny. Everyone has her way to bake it.
When the paste is ready, women teach you how to braid the challah.
I didn't braid them but i looked at my friends.

To roll the paste is quite sensual. Look at your wife when she is making it, and let me know! :-)

My challah paste ready to go home, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein 

First challot round, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein 

Second challot round, October 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Talmud study

I am back to Torah and Hebrew courses since two weeks now.
I made more time available to study the Mishnah and the Talmud.

I learnt, and you can laugh at me, that Moshe Rabbenu is Moses. I never thought that Moses could have a last name and he could have a biography. My mistake! :-)
I already heard that name but i thought that he was a great sage.
He was a former Egyptian prince and known as the authorship of the Torah. That made me intrigued totally because Egyptians and Jews are not a good match so far.

Before Sukkot, Paris 19ème, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Before Sukkot, Paris 19ème, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I enjoy the idea waking up every morning and to go to bed less stupid than in the morning.

I am not going to elaborate the Mishnah class. The teacher is nice and funny. He is a Lubaba. But it's more like a literal translation of the Mishnah we are studying. We can ask questions. I need more time to make a better opinion of this class.

I would like to talk about the Talmud class.
There are two teachers who teach that class.
I have been to a class about messianism taught by one of them. I stopped going because he has a big ego and he always talked about his wife. It bothered me a lot. I made some attempts to ask questions. Each time, he said that he will reply to me. He never did.
You can be a real fan of this teacher or not. There is no grey!

Father and daughter, before Sukkot, Paris 19ème, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I chose the other one.
Last week, i was so excited by this class and also by the teacher.
He is a rabbi and a teacher, not surprising!
From a point of view of a woman or female, he is very attractive for me: tall and hair. He has something  very elegant in the way he teaches. He is manly. I can't give him an age but maybe between 45 and 55.
And ashkenazi. :-)

Beyond the attraction i could have, the interaction he gives us during the class is awesome.
First thing, he said to us: "I want to be honest with you. I don't think that you will be able to study the Talmud at the end of the year."
The complexity of the Talmud and a lack of knowledge are the main reasons, but he is here to give us some clues and a way of understanding things.

I should say that he is a modern rabbi. He is often joking.
We are studying the Chapter 7 about Shabbos and the sacrifices.
I was not really enthusiastic to the idea of studying sacrifices of animals as you know.

I feel useful when i am following this class.

He talked about the intimacy of the Talmud study. The transmission is the main thing.
The difference between the study of the Torah and the study in secular school is that there is no beginning in the study of the Torah. Everything has the same value. That's disturbing.

There is a distinction between obligations and interdictions. For Kippur, there is no interdictions of not eating, but it said: "You will mortify yourself".
365 interdictions, and 2 obligations : circumcision and Pessah sacrifice.

Now, imagine the classroom. All the women around the rabbi.
You can talk at anytime, that's an open discussion.
But if you reply "Yes" or "No", you have to argue. He is a great listener. You can ask him lots of questions. he will take the time to reply to you. If he doesn't know nothing, he will tell us.
He makes us think and he makes himself think with our questions.
That's how i see useful education.

Before Sukkot, rue des Rosiers, Paris 4ème, 2015, ©emmarubinstein