I don't feel alone

I am writing this post on my way to the sea to work for a movie.
Who cares? Except that i received a sign, as a person. A Hasidic man was in the subway car wearing his yarmulke and his tzitzit without fear.
I starred at him. He thought that i was meshuga probably.
I forgot to smile at him, and to express my joy to see him.

Ulpan class in the gym room of the shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

In my Hebrew and Torah classes, there is a nice lady in her early 60s, M.
It clicked to my mind that i might not be the only one who was not "stamped" Jew.
I never heard anyone talking about their own story.
Concerning M., I wondered sometimes if she was a converted or not, but i never asked her.
Her husband is Jewish. What i felt is that she seemed to be a new observant.
She said something about her rabbi like he was severe. And she didn't want to miss a Shabbos service.

And one week ago, it happened that she told us. I forgot how it came in the conversation.
There was another young lady in her 30s. She was very surprised. She is from South America and she is a Jew from birth.
That could be the occasion to say about me, but i shut up my mouth.
That's not a lie but that's totally personal.

Wedding at the shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I congratulated M. who decided recently to go to the conversion process.

Our current teacher was not there.

M. is used to drop her off because she is an old lady.

She offered me to drop me off because i was sick that day.

On our way to her car, i told her that i will be a converted too.

The reason that i didn't tell it so far is because of the reactions like we have done something bad.

M. doesn't care about that. 

She told me her story.

When she was 16, she met her husband, he was 17.

She is married with him since about 40 years.

She is shomer now, and once she will get converted, she will get re married to the shul.

She tried to understand why she was attracted to the Jewish culture.

She made researches with her husband, she found out nothing about her family connected to a Jewish story.

She has two children, none of them want to get converted. They all celebrated the Jewish holidays.

Her son had his bar mitzvah in a Reform shul.

That's weird for me to hear about Reform shul in France, and i didn't think that we were able to have a bar or bat mitzvah if you are not a Jew.

Shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I asked her how the family of her husband reacted when they decided to get married 40 years ago.
That was not easy but after some times, they have understood that love was stronger than everything.
What makes her go to a conversion after all those years?
Her acquaintances and friends thought that she was Jewish and she felt guilty to lie in a certain way.

Shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

In our class, there is someone else who wants to get converted. M. told me that she doesn't hide it but i never heard her to voice it out.
I don't actually like this person. She has something arrogant and tries to attract the attention.
I have big issues with egocentrism. :-)
M. doesn't know her story. She is closer to her than me.

Kids enjoy playing instead of sitting and watching the wedding, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I didn't have the occasion to talk to the woman who reacted weirdly when M. told her that she will be a converted.
M. told me that the Jewish women at her shul, warned her not to do it. "Have you seen what is happening to our people?"
But now, for M., it's like an obviousness.

The consistory told her that it will take one year. She doesn't actually know when her rabbi will accept to get converted her.
She takes her time, and she told me to do the same.
I haven't started the process officially because i am a between-woman.
I am thinking of doing it in France. It will take time to immigrate in Israel. 

Lag B'omer 5775

The only ones who are able to organize big Lag B'omer in Paris are the Lubavitch.
I checked it on one of their website and i found something interesting to do.
The place was great and i knew it before.
I used to take a bus crossing their area when i was living in Paris to go the physiotherapist.
I was intrigued by that school and i looked at them each time, fascinating as usual: what was going on behind those walls?
There i was inside.
But not alone that time.

The rabbi who served us vodka, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I invited an atheist friend.
I met him in Brooklyn, in my work place.
He was there for vacation.
He is a friend of one of my neighbors of my ex work place.
A friendly alchemy was immediate. We talked about our life like old friend.
He is spontaneous, and an impromptu party occurred.

A couple eating hamburger, pizza and French fries, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Let's dance, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Then, we stayed in touch through social network.
He doesn't live in Paris, but he comes sometimes and more often lately.

We are on the same page: no expectations from anyone, we live our life, we travel, we are very sensitive…
He was married during many years till a misunderstanding made him find out that he was gay… He has three children.
We don't like losers or people who don't assume who they are. We love our freedom.
We don't judge each other… We don't care about what people think of what we are, how we dress…

Fire-eater, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Fire-eater, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I only told him that if my Jewish people ask questions, to tell them that he has Jews in his family.
We were not going to this place to tell our life.

He is from Madagascar and he has been adopted with two other children from other countries, by a white French family.
He only likes white men. His friends told him that he is racist. "How can i be racist when i have a black skin?". No comment! :-)

Bonfire, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

 Bonfire, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Anyway, i thought that he could be a great friend to come with me to a Lag B'omer.
To arrive to a place and to see soldiers still scares me. And to see so many children, and to think that a crazy guy can come and shoot all of us gave me goose bumps.

He enjoyed the place and the "party". He knows nothing about Judaism, and it was nice to explain things to him.
He asked me for a long time to come in Israel with me.
He was surprised to see families with so many kids.
He was the exotic person, and i was something strange because i was having words in his ears.
I felt the looks but i didn't pay attention. My joy was huge to have a bath of black hats.
One Lubavitch man said hello and asked me "how are you?". I didn't know this man but i replied to him. Weird! :-)

Leaving the dance-floor,  Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

 Hasidic transe dance, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Hasidic transe dance, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Compares to the bonfires in Brooklyn, in Kyrias Joel or Mea She'arim, the Parisian bonfire seems very small. But to see men dancing and be happy with a pious grace makes me feel happy. I didn't ask for more.
My friend was very comfortable. We ate there. He didn't want to dance with the men, still bashful.
We bought candles to fire in homage of the rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. I helped a Lubavitch man to fire his candles. That was a windy night.
We stayed for a while.

Taking his ladies in photo, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Then, we went to the bus station where we met an old Jew, a cutie.
He talked to my friend: "I saw you in the school."
My friend: "I had Jews in my family."
I was laughing to see them talking like old wise men.
The man added: "Do you know the tribe of Shem?"
My friend: "Yes!"
The old man: "There were black people from that tribe."
My friend told me later that he had understood nothing about the old man was talking about. So funny!
We all took the bus. My friend helped the old man with his shopping trolley.
He said that he will stop one stop before us but finally went down at the same stop.
My friend helped him again with his shopping trolley.
We talked with him a little. And the cutest moment was when he offered me to give me eggs. I was surprised, and i refused. We left him and he was talking to himself: "I know that i am kind."

Hasidic shadows, Paris 18ème, May 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Chez Jonathan

That could be a place to be but that was the Sunday place to be after 3 hours of Oulpan with our delightful rabbi.
He is so patient with us. Sometimes, i am ashamed that we are bad Talmudim*.
The other Sunday, my brain was in a cloud. I enjoy reading a lot, and also reading the book All Who Go Do Not Return in the subway. The subway car rocks me and to read makes me in a sleeping state when i receive fresh air getting out of the subway station.

View from Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I am not still able to read Hebrew without vowels, but that state of brain helped me last Sunday.

One Sunday, 4 of us decided to have a lunch in a Kosher restaurant in Paris, near by our shul.
Chez Jonathan, that's the name of the place. I have never been in that one, but some around.
There are less and less Kosher places in Paris sadly. Great place in a touristic street but the locals come here.
The name is the one of the son of the owner. He was there with his wife.
I had so much fun with the father that i called Papa. His father told me lately that his son is lazy. :-)
They are Sephardi, and the ladies who were lunching with me too are. They were more introverted than me. They probably thought that i was meshuga to be so familiar with Papa.

The place seems to be an old fish store. That's a classified one.

Ceramics, Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Ceramics and pushka, Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Then the visit of a Lubavitch with his tefillin, who helped a man who just came back running in the streets.

Sweat pants and tefillin, Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

And French romanticism with an Orthodox couple very cute.
Papa yelled kindly at him when he came to pay: "Let your wife drink her coffee, you have time to pay."

The romantic couple, Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Papa guessed that i was not very serious with my studies. I have a real lack of time lately. I am doing too many things in the same time. My head will explode soon.

Server and barista, Chez Jonathan, Paris 9, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

*students

A honorable Muslim French woman

Maybe you heard about her, maybe not…

How can you live after the death of your son, killed by a terrorist?
His son was the first victim of the terrorist.
He was a soldier in the French army and was probably considered like a apostate by the killer.
I don't want to give the name of the terrorist, that gives him too much importance.
The dramatic event happened in Toulouse in 2012, thus you can Google it and find what i am talking about.

Her "job" is to give a message of peace in schools, and to try to make connections between the three monotheist religions… People from different races, religions, etc can live together… Something is possible.
She probably finds with the French youth something that she has lost with the death of her son. She is grieving for the rest of her life.


She has been recently in Israel with young people between the age of 9 and 19 years old, of different religions: they have been in Yerushalayim and Ramallah.
A Shabbat was organized in a family whose the wife was pregnant. She cooked for 30 people.
This is the link of the video of an interview of this woman, and two of the teenagers…
Sorry, it's in French. :-)
http://www.i24news.tv/fr/tv/revoir/i24newsfr/4199787582001
They were amazed by what Shabbat is.
Those teenagers have understood one thing: what it is shown on TV is not the reality. Thanks!
They are probably addicted to TV like most of the French teenagers.
They have a mission now: they are the new ambassadors of a sort of truth that Jews and Arabs can build a world together. Hopefully, they will read the Torah, the New Testament and the Koran.

Is there a feminine word for tzadik? She deserves that title.

Thanks Madame Latifa Ibn Ziaten for your message of peace…

Turn off your TV and travel…

Lost in pious thoughts, Mea She'arim, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

The Shtisel

I haven't watched this series yet, but they speak Hebrew and a perfect Litvak Yiddish…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nxm5ZNCcIsQ&list=PL8XqDc3nQIenVC52gl2jU2Hs0JFTQBorV&index=82

I had the impression to know all those faces in the trailer.
Check it out!

Jaffa Gate, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Short stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer

The world of a Jewish boy, born in Poland in 1904.
He is a survivor, and wrote stories about his childhood in A Day of Pleasure.

His parents are pious, and you see that at his young age, he is very mature and determined. Determined as he knows what he wants or what he doesn't want. I like that kind of people. The ones who change their mind every second drive me nuts.

Old city, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I enjoy reading his book like if i was a child reading a fairytale or a story before sleeping.

How was the Hasidut before the war? That seems so easy to live in Eastern Europe. They seem so well integrated to the society of that time. We know that it's not true indeed.
In one of the short stories, Reb Ichele and Shprintza, we met the first Hasidic rebel. He is the son of this couple, he shaved his beard and he cut his peyos. They don't reject him. He is sat with them at the Sabbath meal before joining his girlfriend to go and watch a movie. Their youngest son is a rebel too. He doesn't want to wear sidelocks.
One of my teacher said that when you have not been raised with no religious education, you will wonder who you are at a moment of your life. I felt concerned. But i am not sure that everyone is concerned.
I think that it depends on your priorities in life.

I have a friend from my childhood. His father was Jewish and his mother is not. Both are Americans and live in France since 30-40 years. His dad died when he was 4 or 5 years old.
I was his babysitter. He had a brother who died in a bicycle accident when he was 18 years old. That was one of a big drama in my life. We were all close when we were toddlers. We belonged to a group where there were many different couples from different backgrounds, religions, etc. I spent so many funny times with them.
Some died or took a distance because of the dramas of life.

Mea She'arim, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

That little boy grew up, and the distance between us came naturally. I have been to his wedding. And i felt sorry. His wife said something that i didn't appreciate: she was bothered that the father of my friend was a Jew. Ouch! She has been raised Catholic. I don't like her family either.
But i respect the choice of my friend.
So far, i never heard that he had an identity crisis about his father's roots.
We grew up, and our priorities were completely different.
When he was a child, he already was into money. That was a sort of obsession for him.
And it still is, and it's worse. And his wife's family is the perfect match for his obsession. They always advise how and where to invest.

We are far from close now. His mother had repetitive cancers, and he is not nice with her.
At his wedding, there was no homage to his brother. I was shocked.
I was bored at his wedding. I went to bed early after the meal.
I don't blame that people need money, but i think that there is a limit of greediness.
He is a surgeon, she is a doctor, they have 4 children. They have a lot of money, but it's never enough.
Can we say that the greediness of money makes you blind about who you are, or is it too judgmental?

I cut friends out of my life who had the same obsession.
I can't check my bank account 5 times a day like them.

We live in a different world.

The deal during Shabbos was to have hot water. People went to the store of the Reb. They don't bring money because you can't carry money on Shabbos.
The question of Moshiach is asked, and the reply is: when the Messiah will come, there will be a continual Shabbos.
But how to cook? We won't need it because it will be the Paradise. That makes me dream. :-)

Old city, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

The last thing in this short story, is the introduction of a Jewish Eunuch: "This man was a great enigma to me, a man who grew no beard. What could be odder than a beardless Jew?"
For me, that too was an enigma.
Thus, i googled "Jewish Eunuch" and i found something about a prophet called Daniel. That's the name of my father.
I always thought that there is something oversize, divine, (un)conscious which inspired the mind of our parents when they gave us our name. A name can be a weight or not, for all your life.

One of my childhood friends had a compound name. We lost contact when we were 15, and found on FB, when i was still in Brooklyn. We were very close, and the years split away when we met up. Nothing had changed.
We can talk about anything. The advantages are that we know the woes of each other.
She encountered a duality with her name, and made the choice to abandon one of them.
A friend of her who is interested in that subject told her that morphologically, her body is divided according to her compound name.

An Eunuch means  to be a man who has been castrated. And the following expression about someone who has no guts, that means, vulgarly, that he has no balls.
I was stunned that the name of my father suits him perfectly. He was the slave of his very dominant mother. He still remained closed in that position since she passed away: a lost cause.
That's terrible to hear that it's a name of a prophet and a Eunuch, because the image of the prophet is someone who makes things change with the divine will and help.
The birth of my father was a miracle for my grand-mother. She had a hard time to have children.

In the short story, the Eunuch was a sort of schizophrenic man.
I love the conclusion of the story by this little boy: "Eunuch or not, sane or insane, a Jew is a Jew."

Funeral at Mount of Olives, Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

Three French movies

- The Other Son by Lorraine Lévy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65Xk7_Jk0TA

Two babies have been switched at birth during an attack in Haifa. Blood test of Rhesus will make them find out the truth.

One baby is Israeli, the other one is Palestinian: two identity crisis as a nation and as a religion.
What makes this movie great is the choice of good actors.
The story might sound like a cliché, but the filmmaker and screenwriter found out an exit to this drama.
They chose not to go into a huge drama, i mean, a drama with physical violence. They chose the side of the discover of the others, the curiosity of their reciprocal life..
The cliché that the Palestinian family is poor, yes, they are poor but they try to get a better life. Their "Jewish" son studies in France and wants to be a doctor.
The "Muslim" son is a dreamer, and wants to be a musician.
The identity crisis has multiple faces: the meeting with the rabbi who tells him that he is not a Jew but he can become one. He is 18 and had his bar mitzvah.
No meeting with the imam but the meeting with the hatred of his brother against the Jew. The forgetting of being a human being with who he shares 18 years of his life.

- Dans la Vie* by Philippe Faucon (*In Life)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eir_Gtedh6I
A movie against the clichés about Muslim and Jewish French communities which can't stand each other.
Don't forget that many Sefardi have a common past and souvenirs of old times in North African countries.
That doesn't mean that there are no issues.
In this movie, the actors are not professional. They are old ladies who will share their souvenirs of Oran, Algeria. A time where Arabs and Jews share their meals, celebrations.
Colonization and decolonization were a failure. We are all paying the price.

Yerushalayim, January 2015, ©emmarubinstein

- The Art Dealer by François Margolin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQKMsm31Bso

The movie is about the theft of art collection which belonged to the French Jews during the war. The French government is responsible and kept collections in its museum. They don't make it easy to the Jewish family which would like to get their art collection back. 

The actress sings two Yiddish songs. After the show, she sang one and a singer sang another one.

I post a short video of the song.

It happened that i have seen this movie because there is a revival of Yiddish culture in France. Can you believe it?
I can practice my Yibrew now.
I invited Sefardi women from my Beit Midrash.
None of them couldn't come, but i bumped into a lady who is one of the few who wears a sheitel.
She is half Sefardi, half Ashkenazi, but she looks like more Ashkenazi (Ukrainian roots).
She spent many years in the Satmar community of Anvers.
She is also the lady who gave me Mishloach Manot (Purim baskets).
I didn't know her very well, but we liked each other right away at the private show.
And i knew later why. She gave me a new enlightenment of my love of the Hasidic community: they are more welcome than secular Jews.
For those who think that Hasidim are living in a closed surrounding, that's not true if you come to them.
Will you dare to do it as i did? That's your business. :-)
She didn't understand that the audience, in majority, old people, were not so friendly: "We are all brothers", she said many times. She was the rebel finally.
She told me: "I am the only one with a wig." I think that i have seen another lady but i was not sure. She wanted to know where she was.
The Yiddish cine-club asked us for bringing food and beverages for a buffet that will be after the show.
The French love food, and the French Jews are terrible with food.
The Hasidic lady didn't dare to eat, she came with her sandwich, because there was a mix of kosher and non kosher food. I bought kosher food. I ate nothing because, like her, i wanted to socialize. She has made a crumble with fresh food and boudoirs biscuits: http://www.google.com/search?q=boudoir+biscuit&hl=en&gbv=2&tbm=isch&oq=&gs_l=
She is not shy usually but she couldn't put it on the tables. She gave me a box of her crumble.

I saw her today at the Beit Midrash, and we talked with a Israeli woman during our break between two classes. She has a sense of humor a little sarcastic. She is going to Anvers for Pesach, and said to the lady, something like: "I am going with those who know how to do a seder correctly…" :-)
When you see her, you don't think that she has something cool in her behavior. Her wig is not really straight, and sometimes electrical.
In the next future, i will probably taste her recipes.

I took a new class about the Mishnah - how to live Rosh Hashanah all year? with a Lubaba Sefardi rabbi very relaxed. The shul had a black out of about 15 minutes. We couldn't write and read, thus he talked about Pesach. That was an interesting moment: when you close your eyes to listen to music, you do feel it better.
And i will take a new one with a brilliant man/ He is not a rabbi. He is psychologist, and director of the Wiesel Institute. The class will be about the Berechit: the creation, the Man, the World.
That will be for after Pesach.