I felt a sort of need of re-connection of the French Jews with their roots.
Maybe the events of last January made them be aware of being a Jew is like something which belongs to us and not to the other people.
I have met other women that i haven't met the first time.
I was completely lost with the Rosh Hashanah book. The rebbetzin told us to stand up when the shofar will be blown and when there was the Torah opened "in the air".
I had issues to remain focused on my book because of the noise of the conversations of women between them or with their children.
I often heard the rebbetzin saying: "shhhhh".
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| Rue des Rosiers, Paris, 2015, ©emmarubinstein |
I saw that i was not the only one lost in the pages. Some Jews came because it was important to be there.
The best moment for me was a thing that i have never done. I heard about it the last years and my unconsciousness kept it somewhere in my brain like something only symbolic.
I don't like following the crowd but to follow a Jewish crowd is for a good reason. :-)
On the first evening of Rosh Hashanah, we had a new meeting at the shul around 6:30 pm for the tashlikh.
On my way to the shul, a man recognized me. He lives in the building at the opposite of mine.
He is like the superintendent of the shul.
I told him that i started the process of a conversion and i was lost with the prayers. It's hard for him to follow sometimes. The women told me that i will become less ignorant than them because i will learn properly how to be a Jew.
I told him that i was happy to have found a nice and open-minded rabbi.
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| Stamps in the Moleskine store, Rue des Rosiers, Paris, 2015, ©emmarubinstein |
We had to hear the shofar before strolling to the river, the Seine.
On the path of the tashlikh, i had a delightful conversion with an old Jewish French lady who had pain in her feet. She was with her son, i supposed. I didn't ask.
She lives in Washington. I told her that i used to live in NY and i didn't like it. She doesn't like the obsessional relationship of the Americans with money. I didn't have time to ask for more details about her American life because she met a shomer man and i went to the river to throw my sins into the water. I didn't know how to shake the corner of my clothes. I had a quick look at the other prayers. I found some tiny stones to throw finally, because i thought that we will make the symbolic gesture of throwing our sins into the water.
I noticed something else: when i read a prayer, it takes time for the women and for me, it's always shorter. Thus i don't know if i read the prayer too fast or if things are missing.
That will be a question for my future teacher.
During the Rosh Hashanah service, a soldier came inside the shul with his gun. He wanted to go to the bathroom.
He had to cross the men section, and some freaked out like it was a terrorist attack. I felt once again that the Jews are victims but don't behave like victims because of their love of life, and also they are not attackers. Some women shouted: "He wants to use the bathroom" to calm down their men when we felt the tension. That was a scary moment. The "never forget" was on and the "things can happen again" too was on.
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| Rue des Rosiers, Paris, 2015, ©emmarubinstein |
She received the same letter from the Consistory. She wondered if the Consistory actually read the letter we have sent. She was prepared because she had a friend who had received the same letter.
I don't know the reasons for what she decided to become a Jew. She told me that first, she found a shul where she didn't feel welcome. She asked the ladies which page of the siddur they were reading and, she felt that she was disturbing them.
Then, thanks to a friend of her, she found our shul, and she loved it. That's a small community and everyone is helpful, and to help someone is a mitzvah.
The conversion process is different from a person to another one.
But the most important thing is to feel comfortable with your community and your rabbi.
During her first appointment at the Consistory they tried to make her give up.
She lives far away from our shul but she has a friend where she can sleep during Shabbos and holidays.
At 6:30 pm, we had a course by the rebbetzin about Kippur: meaning, preparations for the fast and customs. "Don't eat too salty and no garlic either!", she said.
I think that i will drink two liters of water and eat fruits before fasting. She said that we can't brush our teeth and can put some deodorant. Kippur is the Shabbos of the Shabbos. I am obsessed with cleanliness and will put lot of deodorant before shutting down everything.
I enjoyed the way she gave her the Kippur course.
Many women didn't know the customs, and sometimes, i felt more Jewish than them, without arrogance. Some were more interested by knowing if the brand of their snickers was without leather than the course.
If you don't know what to wear : Converse sneakers and like my Hasidic from Brooklyn: Crocs. :-)
She told a true story about a little boy who has been raised by a non Jewish family, the governor of the city who was a close friend to his father. His parents passed away. He knew that he was a Jew because of children in his school.
His parents told him the truth, and he tried to understand what it was to be a Jew.
His father left him a box with a tefillin, a tallit and a book. He went to a small village where Jews were living. It was erev yom Kippur, and all the Jews were in a rush.
He found an old man who told him that he was a Jew but he didn't have the time to talk more.
The little boy came back the day after, the day of Kippur.
He went to the synagogue with his pack. He saw the men wearing tallit, he did the same.
And i forgot the end of the story. Thus, if anyone knows it, thanks for telling me.
I had tears in my eyes and i had to hide them because you don't cry on Shabbos.
I saw myself with my interrogations when i was a child.
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| Books and beard, Paris, 2015, ©emmarubinstein |
