I don't feel alone

I am writing this post on my way to the sea to work for a movie.
Who cares? Except that i received a sign, as a person. A Hasidic man was in the subway car wearing his yarmulke and his tzitzit without fear.
I starred at him. He thought that i was meshuga probably.
I forgot to smile at him, and to express my joy to see him.

Ulpan class in the gym room of the shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

In my Hebrew and Torah classes, there is a nice lady in her early 60s, M.
It clicked to my mind that i might not be the only one who was not "stamped" Jew.
I never heard anyone talking about their own story.
Concerning M., I wondered sometimes if she was a converted or not, but i never asked her.
Her husband is Jewish. What i felt is that she seemed to be a new observant.
She said something about her rabbi like he was severe. And she didn't want to miss a Shabbos service.

And one week ago, it happened that she told us. I forgot how it came in the conversation.
There was another young lady in her 30s. She was very surprised. She is from South America and she is a Jew from birth.
That could be the occasion to say about me, but i shut up my mouth.
That's not a lie but that's totally personal.

Wedding at the shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I congratulated M. who decided recently to go to the conversion process.

Our current teacher was not there.

M. is used to drop her off because she is an old lady.

She offered me to drop me off because i was sick that day.

On our way to her car, i told her that i will be a converted too.

The reason that i didn't tell it so far is because of the reactions like we have done something bad.

M. doesn't care about that. 

She told me her story.

When she was 16, she met her husband, he was 17.

She is married with him since about 40 years.

She is shomer now, and once she will get converted, she will get re married to the shul.

She tried to understand why she was attracted to the Jewish culture.

She made researches with her husband, she found out nothing about her family connected to a Jewish story.

She has two children, none of them want to get converted. They all celebrated the Jewish holidays.

Her son had his bar mitzvah in a Reform shul.

That's weird for me to hear about Reform shul in France, and i didn't think that we were able to have a bar or bat mitzvah if you are not a Jew.

Shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I asked her how the family of her husband reacted when they decided to get married 40 years ago.
That was not easy but after some times, they have understood that love was stronger than everything.
What makes her go to a conversion after all those years?
Her acquaintances and friends thought that she was Jewish and she felt guilty to lie in a certain way.

Shul, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

In our class, there is someone else who wants to get converted. M. told me that she doesn't hide it but i never heard her to voice it out.
I don't actually like this person. She has something arrogant and tries to attract the attention.
I have big issues with egocentrism. :-)
M. doesn't know her story. She is closer to her than me.

Kids enjoy playing instead of sitting and watching the wedding, 2015, ©emmarubinstein

I didn't have the occasion to talk to the woman who reacted weirdly when M. told her that she will be a converted.
M. told me that the Jewish women at her shul, warned her not to do it. "Have you seen what is happening to our people?"
But now, for M., it's like an obviousness.

The consistory told her that it will take one year. She doesn't actually know when her rabbi will accept to get converted her.
She takes her time, and she told me to do the same.
I haven't started the process officially because i am a between-woman.
I am thinking of doing it in France. It will take time to immigrate in Israel.